Sickly Sweet Dreams
by EMHW.Bear
Summary: When Rachel obsesses over a handsome rogue vampire the pack is hunting, she embarks on a journey of strange dreams, confusing her reality. Their mysterious connection threatens her bond with Paul, potentially placing her life in danger and sending Paul to the fight of his life. Romance/Mystery/Supernatural/Mature
1. Strange Turn of Events

**A/N: **_I began writing and posting this story a long, and I mean, long time ago, but my life interfered with its completion, so I took it down. I'm back now and it is completed. The intro is an excerpt from the epilogue of The Red Moon Promise. Sickly Sweet Dreams is a sequel to The Red Moon Promise, a canon story about Jacob and the pack that takes place after Breaking Dawn. You shouldn't need to read it to follow along, but if you want to know how we got here, message me and I will tell you where to read it. Hope you enjoy and hope you drop a comment or a follow. Thanks!_

**These are Stephenie Meyer's original characters. They are just acting out my plot. No copyright infringement intended.**

* * *

**INTRO**

_As soon as she saw them she knew what they were. Ivory skin, lips wine red, their dismal, odd colored eyes gawked at her. One looked like a teenager. The other looked like a man in his mid-forties. _

_"__Get her up, Tony."_

_That's when she saw him. He walked away as Tony lifted her from the ground, busting the ropes from her ankles and standing her upright. __"__I know you know better than to run, Miss." Tony the teenager gave her a warning glare, before snapping the bands from her wrists._

_She stood frozen with fear, blinking back tears and trying not to breathe too loudly._

_Tony turned toward the one walking away. "Hold on, Nekoy. We'll take you back to your truck."_

_"__Nah. I know the way," Nekoy replied, not looking back._

_She eyed the the one stalking away__. He was a Native American with a broad physique. Faded bronze skin covered his athletic arms. Dark, retro-styled hair dangled long below ear-length. Dressed fairly modern, he wore a light-colored t-shirt and dark blue denim jeans. A medium-sized backpack hung over his shoulder, resembling any random college guy... or Calvin Klein model._

_As if her eyes were burning a hole through the back of his head, he whisked around and caught her gaze._

_Shuddering, she closed her eyes and dropped her head. __He suddenly stood beside her. Shaking, she wrapped her arms around herself, trying to catch her breath and praying that when she looked again, he wouldn't be there. She__ inched her head up and opened her eyes, peering through the hair covering her face.__ His eyes fixed on her, and he bore them into hers, soothing her somehow. They were strange, golden amber. Not the same as the ringleader's eyes, which were crimson red, or Tony's, which were a fiery shade of amber._

"_I thought you didn't want to be part of this?" the older vampire asked._

"_Changed my mind," Nekoy replied. "Could be interesting."_

"_All right. Take the girl. Be careful not to hurt her. She's part of the plan. We've got a couple more human chips to collect, and then we'll get to where we're going."_

_Nekoy took hold of her arm with a gentle hand, leading her to the vehicle. To her surprise, he pressed his lips against her ear, causing her to flinch from fear and shiver. His hand was ice cold and so was his mouth. "I'll help you," he whispered._

_She couldn't bring herself to look away. Deep inside, she knew he spoke the truth._

Now, Jacob, Paul, and all the rest of them are searching to destroy him. If they only knew the truth, he kept them safe by guarding and defending them. Nekoy was the real reason she and Kim still lived. He even saved her from her nightmares, eventually.

_She covered her head from the breaking glass as her dark-silver wolf crashed through the window, crouching protectively in front her. At the same time, Nekoy left the building like he promised, knowing they were safe. _

It relieved her, because she didn't want him to die. How does she tell her Perfect Paul the vampire who should be part of her worst nightmares now haunts her most vivid dreams? And, _not_ in the way anyone would ever expect.

* * *

**_Chapter 1_**

**_Strange Turn of Events_**

Paul was leaning against his pick-up truck outside the Quileute Tribal School, grinning as I approached. Watching his eyes light up never got old. "Here's my sexy little school teacher." He opened the passenger door, flashing his adorable smile. "You look so good today," he said as I climbed into the cab.

Smiling, I gave him a light kiss on the lips. "You always say that."

"It's always true," he whispered, pulling me closer and kissing me deeper. "I ran late today, so I didn't have time to change," he explained as he climbed into the truck. "I hope you don't mind being seen with a primer covered, paint splattered guy for now. I'll take a shower at your apartment."

Paul worked at his dad's auto body repair shop based out of their home garage. It worked out great, because it didn't interfere with Paul's wolf obligations to the Tribe, which always took precedence over everything else.

"Your entire wardrobe is there, anyway," I teased.

"I know. Remind me to take some of that home."

We rented a DVD and ordered a pizza before going back to my little one-bedroom apartment in the blue duplex building, across the street from the high school, which was also the only thing available in the small community of La Push.

Kneeling in the flower garden on her side of the duplex, my elderly neighbor, Mercy, rose to her feet as we drove up. "Hi, Rachel. How was school today?" she asked, shaking dirt from her gardening gloves.

"Great. Thank you." I lucked out, getting hired as the seventh grade teacher almost immediately after I began working as a teaching assistant.

"I'll plant on your side as soon as I finish this side." She knew I didn't know the first thing about gardening. "Hi Paul, how have you been?"

She greeted Paul nice enough, but her eyes sparked of accusation, being so old-fashioned.

"Good," he snapped with a grouchy tone, stomping into the apartment.

"Talk to you later, Mercy," I said, following him inside. I shut the door and backhanded him on the arm. "Did you have to be so rude to her?"

"I saw that look she gave me, like I was nothing but trouble. That's what she gets for reporting us to Billy all the time. I know it's her."

"I know it's her too, but she's older and lonely. It's not her fault she has nothing more to do than to pay attention to what we do. Promise me you'll be nice to her next time no matter wha_t_."

Being stubborn, he pouted. I glared at him with my best demanding expression. He avoided eye contact, shifting under the weight of my glare. Returning my stare, he sighed, and said, "Okay. I promise I'll be nice next time."

Paul showered while I reheated the pizza, and put the DVD on. He wanted to rent an action-packed film. I wanted to see a chick flick, so we settled on a comedy.

_A gust of cold, misty air chilled me. I shivered, grasping at my jacket collar and enclosing it around my neck. I would have worn a scarf if I knew it would be this frigid. I headed to the dorms from the library after a long night of studying._

_I strolled by the dark archway as I did most school nights. __Something looked different about it tonight. It was smaller than usual and extra black. Curious, I veered a little closer and peered inside. An abrupt yank forced me through, drawing the air from my lungs. I felt a dark presence with bony hands, gripping me tight as it dragged me down the stairway. I moved downward so fast I couldn't catch my breath, and I thought I would lose my footing at any second, but I wasn't touching the ground._

_The hollow stairwell twisted and turned without a pattern and __waves of terror spun in the pit of my stomach with every forced drop. I fought to get away, but the malevolent energy, choked me. Blood seeped into my mouth. My arm shot out and…_

"Rachel... babe... You awake?"

My eyes jerked open. I pushed myself to a sitting position, gasping for air. Paul stared at me, his face plastered with worry. "I'm sorry. I must have fallen asleep," I said, wiping the moisture from my forehead. "I'm so tired all the time. I can't even stay awake through a ninety-minute movie these days, a comedy even."

"You were having another nightmare, weren't you? Was it about them?" he asked, disturbed.

"No, it wasn't. It was just a terrible dream."

Paul lifted his arm around me, nudging me against his hot, bare chest. I huddled up to him, wrapping my arms around him and resting my face below his chin.

"I wish I knew how to stop your nightmares," he groaned, frustration in his voice.

"I know you do, but things have gotten a lot better. Really, they have." I fibbed just to appease him.

"Do you want me to stay here tonight?"

"If I knew you'd leave before daylight, I'd say yes but you won't."

I promised Billy to set a good example for the students when I took the job at the school, and again when I moved across the street from it. This meant Paul and I wouldn't live together until we got married. That didn't stop Paul from staying over a few times a week though.

"I'm just not a morning person, babe. I'll try my best to get up early tomorrow," he coaxed with puppy dog eyes.

"Hmm, where have I heard that one before?" I raised my eyebrows in reproach. I wanted him to stay, but the thought of upsetting Billy this close to the last time had me thinking twice. "You didn't have to hear the latest ear beating I got from my dad."

I replayed Billy's words in my mind. _Why don't you hurry and get married? Don't you care that I'm on the Tribal Council? Can't I count on my kids to help me set a good example for the people? I knew this would happen as soon as you moved into your own place. You might be almost twenty-three years old but you're still a young woman to the rest of the community members. Sure, you're an adult and your relationship with Paul is your business. I don't care how often he's here or if he wants to hang around outside all night. All I'm asking is that he doesn't stay overnight with you. Why can't you show a little consideration for your old dad?_

The disappointed way he looked at me was what bothered me the most. I heard it all before, but this time Billy added a new one. _Am I going to need to involve your brother and Sam in this?_

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad," Paul said, stroking my hair.

"This time…" I hesitated then peeping up at him, revealed, "He threatened to get Jacob to order you _not_ to stay the night. I was afraid to tell you that before."

Paul's eyes widened in surprise and his mouth gaped. "He wouldn't."

"You didn't see the look on his face when he said it." I sat up and looked at him.

A streak of fiery hostility flashed in his eyes. "Knowing Jacob, he would do it!" He scowled. "He'd do it just to piss me off, and get a big kick out of it, too."

"He would not. All he cares about is Raven these days," _and the missing vampire._ "Besides, he wouldn't like it if someone did that to him, so he wouldn't do that to someone else," I said with confidence, attempting to pacify Paul.

But I knew that Paul and Jacob weren't the best of friends, and that's what scared me about Billy's threat. Jacob thought Paul was an irritating hothead. I never saw anything resembling that side of Paul. The person I knew was sweet, charming, funny, gorgeous, and much more. Maybe his will to protect me kept him from losing his temper when I was around, because as far as I knew there was no temper.

"Trust me. He's not that considerate," Paul scoffed, "I really wouldn't put it past him."

"It's more of a reason to be extra careful then. Anyway, I have to get up early. I've got a lot of work to do before class tomorrow."

Paul stood up and stretched. "Okay, but if you need me, I'll be right outside."

"You better not be," I said, following him to the door and kissing him goodnight. "Really, I'll be fine. I'm down to one bad dream a night and I've already had it, so I'm good."

It was bad enough there was always a wolf or two shadowing me, under orders from Sam and Jacob, which irritated the heck out of me. I didn't like Paul worrying about me every second of the day.

"Wait a minute," I said. Dashing into the bedroom, I grabbed one of the many t-shirts from the collection he left lying around the house. "Put this on for me real quick."

"Rachel, I don't know why you have me do this when the real thing is standing right here willing to stay," he grumbled, pulling the t-shirt over his head.

"Please just do it," I whined, "It makes me feel close to you. It just goes to show how much I need you."

"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Actions speak louder than words." He took the t-shirt off and handed it back. "You know? That could be us marrying in a couple months." He sulked as he walked out the door.

Cringing with guilt, I said, "I know. It won't be much longer. We're next. I promise." I grabbed his arm and pulled him back inside and kissed him again.

Turning out the lights, I changed into his t-shirt, and got ready for bed. I loved sleeping in his comfy t-shirts, and they were even better when he wore them for a few seconds. Don't ask me why.

We talked about getting married before the whole _being abducted by vampires_ ordeal happened. The Romanian vampires, Stefan and Vladimir, discovered the identities of the entire pack. They attempted to use Kim, Brady, and me as leverage to convince the guys to help them overthrow the Volturi. Jacob, Paul, and the pack found out where we were being held and rescued us. Although they saved us from certain death and saved themselves from going to Italy, not everyone made it home alive.

When we lost Embry, we mourned for several months. Nobody was in the mood for planning a wedding. Then once we recovered a little, Leah and River beat us to it.

Adding to the drawback, frequent post-traumatic nightmares plagued me ever since. Paul didn't care what kind of damaged condition I was in. He was special, a far cry from all the losers I attracted in college. I wanted everything to be perfect when we started our life together, with nothing at all hanging over our heads. Now, my perfect Paul was waiting patiently. Well, maybe not patiently.

Like an idiot, I climbed into bed pondering the vampire scenarios that continued to disturb me. What a thing to be thinking about just before going to sleep.

Anyhow, those dreams always started out the same.

_We're locked in the room and Kim is screaming. I'm trying to calm her, because I know she's drawing way too much attention to us. The door burst open, and the vampire, Pete, swoops in, either going for Kim or going for me._

Sometimes Kim died brutally, but most times it was me. A popular urban legend said that if you died in your sleep, you would die in real life. That wasn't true though, because I died several times in my horrible vampire nightmares and still woke up sweating profusely every time.

It didn't happen like that in real life, because when Pete swooped in Nekoy was there to save us.

Nekoy was the Native American vampire who happened upon our situation and tagged along just to keep us safe, also known as "the missing vampire." He promised me he wouldn't let anything happen to us and he didn't. He risked his own existence to make sure we survived.

Forty minutes later, I was tossing and turning, wide-awake. Whining and scratching from outside my bedroom window made me smile. Feeling a rush of excitement, I hopped up and cracked the window open. "Hurry and get back in here then," I whispered.

More than another hour went by, and I was visualizing numbers in my head, continuing with my efforts to fall asleep. Paul held me tight, breathing heavy, already knocked out cold.

It was hard for me to fall asleep most nights because I always expected another nightmare—or some other strange and disturbing dream.

As I lay awake, I thought about Nekoy and the vampire dreams, wondering why he was never in them. Perhaps it was because I wasn't afraid of him. He made me feel safe. If he were in my nightmares, they probably wouldn't have been nightmares. I wondered what ever became of him.

Intent on sleeping I slowed my breathing while continuing to think about Nekoy. I gradually saw him in my mind's eye. He sat on the floor with his back against the wall, talking. I was half dreaming, but still partly awake. I attempted to see him more clearly and to hear what he was saying. He slipped away from my vision, so I pushed myself to focus on him with more intensity.

Then it got strange. An ambiguous energy stirred within me, and I felt awake in my dream and fully in control. Like whatever I wanted to see I would see; or whatever I wanted to do I could do. Testing my theory, I decided I was in the center of my classroom. At once, I was there.

The first observation I made was how cold and spooky the room felt during the night, a noticeable contrast from the friendly daytime spirit it held. The papers I had collected earlier sat neatly piled on the ancient oak desk, cluttered with notebooks, folders, subject racks, a pencil sharpener, and an oversized coffee mug with a picture of a gray wolf, howling at the moon on it. The bottle of water I set on the bookshelf was right where I had left it. I could plainly read the homework assignment I scrawled on the chalkboard that afternoon. Everything was so vivid, so brilliant, almost as if I truly was there. It was utterly empowering.

Speculating where else my dream could take me, Nekoy came to mind again. I thought it would be nice to see him once more just to refresh my memory of him. If I could dream myself to see my classroom, I figured, why not try to dream myself to see Nekoy?

I assumed the best place to visualize him was at the heart of my most terrible, horrific terrors. The room that confined us somewhere in the Cascade Mountains.

Knowing I was only dreaming, I pictured that awful place and found myself standing in the main area room of the building. The room was dark, bare, and empty. Not at all like in the nightmares, full of light and swarming with vampires. Oddly, It resembled the way it looked after the battle was over. I moved around, exploring the area, stepping over shards of glass from the windows that Leah and Josiah busted through.

I pictured my beautiful, dark-silver and gray wolf crashing in and landing in front of me.

Examining Brady's broken cage, I heard the hanging door squeaking as the breeze blew it back and forth. I touched the big dent in the metal beam that Nekoy threw Pete into. I noticed the debris from all the depressions and holes in the plaster that crumbled from the walls during the violence that took place there. I stomped my foot against the hard cement floor just to hear the echo. A piece of glass fell from a broken window behind the cage and crashed in the corner, startling me.

Slowly, I proceeded to the room of our captivity. I stopped a few feet away from the entrance of the room, afraid of what I might see if I continued on. I was only there to envision Nekoy. I didn't want to imagine anything else. As stupid as it sounded, I told myself, _when I get into that room, he'll be there._

I neared the mangled door, now hanging on by a thread, with misgivings, pushed the weighty metal out of the way and climbed past it. To my amazement, Nekoy was standing, in the center of the room. I couldn't believe the imaging I deliberately summoned.

A feeling of anxiousness pulsed through me.

"Rachel?" he asked, eyebrows raised and looking around the room carefully before setting his eyes back on me. "What are you doing here?"

"What do you mean what am _I_ doing here?" I lifted my voice, annoyed at the question. "We're always here but you're not. Where have _you_ been?"

He stared at me for a second then said, "I'm here now." Brandishing a look of confusion and disbelief, he strode toward me, inspecting me. "You look well. I'm glad you got home safely."

"We don't get home safely," I said, as if he should have already known, "because you're never here to help us."

Narrowing his eyes in speculation, he shook his head. "This is odd, and I don't quite understand... but I believe. I mean, it appears..." He paused. "Never mind. I don't know how, but we should try to change this outcome somehow." A second later, his eyes lit up like he'd found the answer. "Let's try this. Whenever you're here do your best to think of me, and I'll do my best come."

I gave an unbelieving "_yeah right" _huff. _If it were only that easy!_

His dark, brown eyes hinted at excitement as he reached, tapping my shoulder as if checking to see if was really. I tensed, waiting for the cold shock of his icy skin but none came. "Remarkable. Strange is the possibility I'd come across you here, but it's great to see you again, Rachel."

I woke from the coherent dream with a jolt.


	2. The Summoning

**Chapter 2**

**_The Summoning_**

The school bell rang, and my small class of seventh graders raced to get out the door, laughing worry free. It was Friday and the lively ambiance encompassed the school.

"Remember… we have a math test on Monday, and your journals are due. The journals count as a third of your English grade so make sure you're writing in them," I reminded them, lifting my voice over all the noisy chatter.

I intended to record quiz scores, but I couldn't get that strange and distinctive dream about Nekoy out of my mind.

I realized over week passed with no nightmares—which was the more positive outcome of the peculiar dream—and I couldn't help but feel Nekoy was part of the reason for it. I kept going back to his words about changing the outcome of the dreams. The suggestion seemed to have given me a sense of control, even though I knew it wasn't real.

But seeing Nekoy in my mind as vivid as I did also brought on a wave of other memories: terrible memories I had resolved to forget.

As I inattentively gazed at my grade book, I flashed back.

_We drove through winding dirt roads somewhere deep within the mountains. Kim was already with us and she couldn't stop crying._

"_If you don't be quiet, I'll tape your mouth back up!" George, the lead vampire threatened._

_Holding her in my arms, I tried to calm her, because George was more than agitated. When we reached what appeared to be a dead-end, George informed everyone we'd travel the rest of the way by foot. He single-handedly shoved his car into some thick, green and brown forest brush._

_Tony, the teenage vampire, grabbed a hold of Kim. Nekoy grabbed a hold of me and we flew through the trees so fast all the scenery was a blur._

_I could hear Kim's muffled screams the entire time we soared through the trees, climbing in altitude._

_Once our movement slowed enough for me to regain normal visual perception, Nekoy said, "You know you will have to get her to stop screaming and crying. I'm not sure what kind of patience whoever is in that building will have."_

"_I'll talk to her." I murmured, numb with fear._

_I extended my arm out to Kim, and Tony let his hand drop from her shaking arm, directing her with a light shove. __We reached for one another. "I'm scared too Kim, but there'll be other vampires in that building, and we need to be as quiet as we can be. We don't want to upset them for any reason," I persuaded with a shaky voice._

_Kim nodded, attempting to swallow her sobs. Her breathing came in short and interrupted like she had the hiccups._

_Nekoy walked in front of us, trailing George. Kim and I scrunched together with our arms intertwined, creeping behind him. Tony followed in the back of Kim and I._

_The large manufacturing building looked abandoned and run down, and from the outside it seemed vacant._

_I felt fatality growing stronger as we approached. I was sure that our lives would be over the minute we stepped inside, and I wondered if anyone would ever find out what happened to us._ _It was hard to tell if we wandered indoors of our own accord or if someone shoved us across the floor. As soon I stumbled through the shallow entrance way, the chill in the air touched me deep within my bones. Though, fortunately, quite a few fluorescent lights hanging from the rafters brightened the entire inside of the building._

_Many hisses, grunts, and gurgles rang out from every direction. In the space of a second, several odd strikingly appealing monsters surrounded us. Each with drooling thirst visible in their blood tinted eyes, at the sight and smell of us._

_I jumped, throwing myself into Nekoy's back, clutching at his shirt and cowering against him, with Kim huddled up tightly against me. His arm curled back and around us, shielding Kim and I from the other vampires with his body. I buried my face into the back of his shoulder, afraid to lift my head even a sliver._

_Somehow, I managed_ to peek_ out from behind his arm with one eye when I heard the voice of another one speak. "My name is Thomas." The one that appeared to be in charge said, sounding rather cordial._ _He wore a very expensive looking suit and seemed to be out of place compared to the few others I could see from the corners of my eyes._

"_I'm Nekoy, and that's Tony. We were on our way to Canada when George found us."_

"_Good, good I'm glad you joined us. For all intents and purposes, I'm the boss here. Gentlemen this is Nekoy and Tony, and these ladies—" he said, gesturing toward us, "are the guests. The same rule applies. They must not be harmed."_

_I swallowed a big sigh of relief but that didn't stop me or Kim's erratic trembling. _

_From behind Nekoy, I scanned the room as much as possible. I saw a wolf lying unconscious in a cage. I didn't know who it was. Until then, Paul and Jacob were the only wolves I ever seen shifted, aside from Paul's nephew, Liam, when he exploded into his wolf for the very first time._

_Paul had been out in the garage painting a car at his parent's house when Liam barged through the front door of the house, incensed. His little girlfriend had just broke up with him for one of his buddies. I tried to talk to him about it, but he became enraged, shoving me out of the way and blazing out the back door. I ran after him hollering his name. All at once, he ruptured into a large beautiful, amber-grey wolf and disappeared into the woods. Luckily, Paul was right behind him. Needless to say, Paul was very upset with me for not recognizing the signs and keeping my distance._

"_Since you're both here, I'm certain that George has already clued you in on everything else." Thomas spoke in a professional, businesslike manner, glancing from Nekoy and Tony to George._

_George nodded his head._

"_Now… you've heard me announce that the guests must remain safe, however, due the aroma, that's easier said than done. Therefore, we must place someone in charge to see ensure that the guests will remain untouched. Judging by the looks of things, the job is already yours, Nekoy. Tony, you'll help him should there be any trouble. I can tell by your eyes that neither of you has a problem with self control." Thomas handed some keys to Nekoy and pointed toward the room next door. "Oh, one more thing, the town of Newhalem is completely off limits. Completely!" he repeated. "And_—_not just from feeding either."_

_Nekoy accompanied us into the room. "Tony, look around this place and tell me what you discover. Lock the door behind you on your way out."_

_I wondered if we were being locked in or the others were being locked out. I remembered thinking how absurdly redundant the function of a locked door was. There was no possibility of us escaping vampires, anyway. Nor was there a possibility that a typical locked door could withstand the strength of one wanting entry to the isolated area we were being held in._

_Tony left the room. Nekoy pulled a chair in front of the closed door and sat down._

_I helped Kim to a mattress, guiding her to sit. She was shaking badly. I lifted a blanket from the bed and wrapped it around her, trying to pretend we were all alone. She curled up into a ball and sobbed quietly while I sat beside her, patting her shoulder lightly. I kept my head down staring at the floor to frighten to move. The atmosphere in the room was cold and unpleasant. I could feel his eyes penetrating me. Shivers ran down my spine._

_After several more unnerving moments, Nekoy spoke. "Is the wolf your family?"_

_Support washed over me at the protective and capable nature of his voice, causing me a great deal of confusion. I didn't answer him._

"_This is the situation. You probably won't believe this but I'm here to help you," he stated, sounding genuine. "You can trust me."_

_I gazed up a little to catch a discreet glimpse of him. His expression was soft and serious. I detected kindness and truth in his eyes, yet I struggled to find my voice._

"_Do you know why you're here?" he pressed._

_I finally heard myself blurt out, "Do you?"_

_My throat was so dry; the voice that came out of me sounded nothing like my own. I quietly cleared my airway as I lifted my head the rest of the way to examine his veneer as much as my fear would allow me to do._

"_As a matter a fact, I do. I'll tell you all I know if you will let me help you anyway I can."_

_I nodded my head up and down. What other choice did I have?_

"Excuse me, Miss Black." A voice interrupted my thoughts. I looked up as Journey entered my classroom with a baseball cap covering her head. Journey was the second female wolf to transform—ever, in our entire oral history.

"School's out. You can call me by my name, Journey." The kids always forgot to drop the formality that made me feel less a friend and family to them. They knew I preferred Rachel whenever Miss Black wasn't necessary. Miss Black made me feel old. "What is it?"

Journey burst out crying. She lifted her hat, and her pretty shoulder-length hair was cut in to a wispy face-framing bob. "I cut my hair because I thought it would be easier to deal with, but now I look more like a boy than ever," she wailed, "it's bad enough I already feel like a boy."

"I think it looks really cute, and it isn't even that short. It's more like… medium," I pointed out, getting up from my desk to get some tissue paper off the shelf.

I've always been overly sensitive to people's emotions and couldn't stand to see someone hurt or crying.

"I hate it!" she cried, covering her head with her arms.

I approached her and delicately arranged the locks around her face while handing her a tissue. "I'm ready to leave. Walk with me to my apartment. I want to show you something."

When we got to my apartment, I flipped through the latest edition of Vogue magazine and showed her pictures of several fashion models with hair shorter than hers. "See… Do any of these girls look like boys?"

"No, but they don't look plain like me either," she blubbered.

"You don't look plain," I said. The face she made in return told me she didn't want to hear it. "All right… Since you think you do, I will do for you what my college roommates did for me when I first got to Washington State."

"What's that?" She asked, with enthusiasm as she wiped the tears from her red, swollen eyes and blew her nose.

"They gave me a crash course on hair and makeup. Not that a beautiful girl like you needs makeup but sometimes it can make a girl feel better. Just remember, you want to keep it natural looking."

"That's exactly the reason I came to you." She breathed with relief. "I like the way you fix your hair and makeup. Leah hardly wears any, and I didn't know who else to ask."

"Yeah. Leah's always been such a natural girl."

Primping rubbed off on me while I was away at college, living in the dorms with a bunch of girls. I liked wearing makeup, styling my hair different ways, and painting my nails. I was also a fashion bug. You could say I was more of a girly-girl than Leah or Raven.

By the time I finished with Journey, she looked stunning. A fifteen-year-old freshman, already 5 foot 9, athletically slender, and with just the right amount of curves. I didn't see how anyone could ever mistake her for a boy. She was ecstatic when she got a look at herself in the mirror.

"Whoa!" Paul said, as he passed Journey on her way out. "Seth better run for cover if he doesn't want to lose his heart," he teased.

Journey blushed, then scowled at him. "I don't even like Seth," she snapped in anger.

Her denial was unconvincing. I poked Paul in the ribs to stop him from saying more. "Come over anytime!" I hollered after her.

When Paul got inside, I put both of my arms around his neck and greeted him with the best of kisses.

"You're in a good mood," he said, "What's up?"

Making people feel better always put me in a cheery mood. I sat down on the couch, pulling Paul down beside me. He narrowed his eyes curiously. "Well for starters, I got to do something nice for someone. I'm also happy that you've been able to get out of here before sunrise and… I have had no nightmares all this week," I revealed, superstitiously knocking on wood for the last two statements I made.

"That's good to hear. Maybe we should just take off to Las Vegas then," he joked as he kissed my engagement ring.

"Maybe we should."

"No, we better not. My mom would kill us if we did that," he replied after giving the idea serious thought. "It's nice out today. Do you want to go to the beach? Sam wants to get a volleyball game together."

"Why? So they could all laugh at me every time I fall over?" I reminded him of the last time we played volleyball. There was an invisible hole everywhere I stepped, and I kept losing my footing for everyone's pleasurable enjoyment.

Paul chuckled at the memory. "Laughing with you, not at you." It was a bogus claim.

"Yeah, whatever," I lightheartedly snapped. "As I recall, you were right in there with Jake, laughing every time he made fun of me."

It didn't really bother me when Jacob kidded me. I knew he didn't mean it. I also usually gave him as good as I got. We both got a big kick out of it—once our tempers cooled; but, I was a wee bit bugged when Paul laughed at Jacob's stale jokes.

Paul squinted and shook his head, giving me his _what-are-you-talking-about_ look. "His jokes are stupid. That's the only reason I laugh. It's because he literally thinks he's a funny guy."

"Whatev," I said, rolling my eyes.

Paul looked at me like I was off my rocker.

"Just something I picked up from the kids." I batted my eyelashes.

"I'll tell you what. We'll go but neither of us will play," he suggested with a mischievous smirk. "We'll go just to make fun of everyone else this time. I'll think of some good ones for Jacob."

I giggled. "Okay. You got me. I'm in."

It was totally pick on Jacob night. All Paul did was make one wise crack about the way Jacob served the ball and Leah, Quil, Seth, and nearly everyone else joined in. Paul and I snuck up the beach chuckling when Jacob became over-heated. Just before we got too far away, I heard Sam tell everyone to cut it out because Jacob threatened to leave. I turned around and caught Sam hardly containing his own laughter.

Part of the crimson, orange sunset was visible through the wide breaks in the cloud cover. Paul made a small fire at our favorite spot on the beach, the place where we first met. We spread a blanket out over the sand and got comfortable watching the bubbly waves collide against the cliff rocks. I couldn't have asked for a better Friday night.

"Normally, Jacob can take a good ribbing. His sense of humor must have had the night off," Paul said, "Did you see the look on his face when everyone started in on him?"

"I didn't realize how easy that would be." I grinned, mentally preparing myself for some kind of practical joke to be played on one of us in return. "That was funny. I haven't seen a more cranky or annoyed expression on his face since the first time he saw us together."

We both smiled at the memory of Jacob's jaw hitting the ground when he opened the front door and saw Paul kiss me goodnight.

"Hey. I was pretty worried about that one, actually," Paul confessed.

"Really? How come?"

"Well, because he's your brother. I wasn't sure what he would tell you about me after I left, or how much whatever he said would affect your opinion of me." Paul reclined, spreading out on the blanket with his hands interlocked behind his head.

I stretched out beside him propping myself up on my elbow and resting my ear in the palm of my hand as I gazed at him.

"That was the happiest, most terrifying day of my entire life." Paul's eyes glossed in reminiscence as he explained. "I was so happy that I found you. At the same time it absolutely terrified me that I would do or say something wrong, completely blowing any chance I had with you."

"I don't remember you being nervous at all," I said, walking through every detail of the memory of our first meeting.

I had only been home a short while and already; I was suffocating from the painful absence of my mom. That day, I was on the beach contemplating how to tell Billy that I was leaving again. Meeting Paul changed everything. He unknowingly gave me the strength to deal with my feelings without running away.

"I was though. Plus, there was the added dilemma of finding some way to explain my world to you and my feelings without scaring you away. I drove you home, walked you to the door, kissed you, and saw that look on Jacob's face. I wasn't sure what would happen after I left. I didn't sleep at all that night."

"Awe," I said, sliding my body over his and planting a kiss on his lips. "Jake's opinion matters. Although, I think by the end of that first day nothing anyone could have said would have made a difference in the way I would feel about you. I was already falling in love."

Even though I knocked on wood, I had a nightmare that night.

_Someone was coming! I tried to pull Kim into the restroom. She wouldn't budge. She stood unmovable, crying and screaming at the top her lungs. My own lungs worked so rapidly I could hardly get any oxygen. The door exploded, and Pete floated at me with a hungry sneer on his blood curled lips. Nekoy left us, and we were about to die._

_The petrifying fear my dream caused forced me into a half-consciousness._

"Think of me" _is what he told me to do. Snapping my eyes closed, gritting my teeth, and clenching my fists, I wailed,_ "Nekoy!" _inside of my mind as I waited for the pain of Pete's jagged jowls to slice me into the blackness I had met many, many times before._

_Immediately, the surrounding atmosphere changed. I opened my eyes. Pete had vanished, but so did Kim, along with the bright vampire-filled building of my nightmare. Nekoy and I were standing in the dark and empty broken room of my_—_lucid dream?_ _It worked. I had consciously thought of him and it worked. I was astonished and happy. "Thank you. You really came."_

"_I told you I would. You can always trust me."_

_He smiled, and I gathered he was inexplicably tangible again, as was everything else in the dream. I gazed into his eyes. It was then it occurred to me that they weren't the warm golden amber I remembered them to be. They were a natural shade of dark brown. And his deep bronze skin looked brilliantly alive versus being oddly faded in shade. He wasn't even cold to the touch. He wore a dark blue button-up shirt over a white t-shirt and slightly faded blue jeans. Still had Calvin Klein looks about him. I guess I never wanted to acknowledge it before, but Nekoy was very handsome._

_He glanced around the cold, shadowy room. "I don't understand, Rachel. Why would you want to be here again? What is it that brings you back to this place?"_

Before I comprehended what he asked me, I woke.

Another strange lifelike reverie, I wasn't shook up by it, merely captivated by the vividness of it all, and very intrigued. I mean—to notice what Nekoy was wearing right down to the color of his t-shirt? Not to mention that the clothes he had on in the dream weren't even the ones he had been wearing in real life. What? Was my imagination dressing him now? And what did he mean, what brings me back there? As if it had ever been my choice.

I climbed out of bed, trudged over to my laptop computer, turned it on, and googled lucid dreams.

_Lucid dream_ is a dream in which the sleeper knows that he or she is dreaming.  
When the dreamer is lucid, he or she can actively take part in and often manipulate  
the imaginary experiences in the dream environment. Lucid dreams can seem  
real and vivid depending on a person's level of self-awareness during the  
lucid dream.

I closed the laptop and sighed. Perhaps, I _was_ purposely seeing what I wanted to see. Nekoy didn't appear to be a vampire in the image I had of him. Everything about him was alive and natural. Then an eerie feeling crawled up the back of my neck as my intuition told me that there was more going on than I could perceive, something more than just a lucid dream. But what?


	3. Recognizing Humanity

**Chapter 3**

**Recognizing Humanity**

Liam knocked on the door bright and early. Dragging himself inside, he slumped down on my couch and put his feet up on the coffee table. "So what are we doing today, Rachel?" he asked with tired eyes.

Paul was usually with me and when he wasn't, whoever was watching kept their distance, so I didn't exactly know the reason for his visit. "Did Paul send you over here?"

"Uh… no, it's my turn," he said, as if I asked him a stupid question.

"I'm sick and tired of this," I grumbled, more to myself than him. "It really has to stop. No vampire will set foot in a town they know is packed—" I made my fingers the shape of quotation marks — "with wolves."

He smirked but didn't truly appreciate the humor. "Good one, Miss Black. I mean, Rachel. No one told me to come inside, but it's Saturday morning. I just wanted to watch some TV. I didn't think you'd mind."

I frowned. "Of course, I don't mind. It's not you, Liam. It's the entire situation. I just think it's been long enough and nothing has happened. And I doubt that it ever will. And I'm going to speak to Jacob, again."

Liam pursed his lips like he had something on the tip of his tongue and was forcing himself to hold it in.

I eyed him, wondering what he was hiding. "Well, I planned to go with Journey to Port Angeles this morning to help her shop for clothes, but she hasn't called me yet."

"Oh. She's with Kim today." I thought he would say more but he turned away and reached for the remote.

"Okay… what aren't you telling me, Liam?"

Not turning his attention from the TV, he said, "Sorry Rachel, I don't have permission."

I might have gotten it out of him if I really tried, but he was a sweet kid and I didn't want him to get in trouble with Sam, Jacob, or any of the other guys. I decided to just wait until I could ask Paul.

He finally called from Seattle. He drove there a couple times a month to purchase parts and supplies for the shop. It turned out that Sam, Jared, Quil and a bunch of the other guys had all piled in pickups and tagged along with him to comb the city for vampires. Quil was there a few days earlier and thought he might have whiffed one. Since Quil wasn't positive, Sam and Jacob felt there was no need to worry Kim and I, but they were taking the incident seriously.

"Jacob had some work to do this morning, so he's there in La Push. Seth, Brady, and Collin all stayed back too. Don't worry."

I rolled my eyes. I'm not worried.

"We left enough wolves close by. I've already loaded all the supplies and as soon as we're done here I'll be on my way."

"All right. I'll see you when you get back."

It irked me that everyone was out there wasting away their Saturday, searching for Nekoy on my behalf when I knew that he would never come looking for me. If Quil whiffed a vampire, I was positive it wasn't Nekoy.

I suddenly felt like a prisoner and needed to get out of the house. "I'll get ready. I want to go over to Dad's this morning, Liam."

Jacob was there, and I'd be able to talk to him.

Liam flipped through the TV channels while I got ready. Every channel was covering an out-of-control forest fire somewhere in the northern forests of Michigan. I sat down beside him for a few minutes to watch the news.

Hearing it, my mind glided through my first conversation with Nekoy which took place a few hours into our first night.

_Under the circumstances, I couldn't sleep no matter how tired I felt. I lay on a mattress wanting to toss and turn but making myself hold still. The silence alone was deafening to where it really hurt my ears. I couldn't take it anymore. I sat up. "How old are you," I spouted, disrupting the quiet, "if you don't mind me asking?"_

_My sudden outburst surprised Nekoy. He tilted his head, watching me like he wasn't certain I really spoke. His eyes brightened up. He was glad I asked the question. "You mean how long have I existed or my figurative age?"_

_His voice was friendly enough, putting me at ease with asking the question. "I guess I mean the age you are forever at."_

_"We never kept close track of it back then. I would have to guess at about twenty-two give or take a year or two."_

_He was sitting on the floor beside the doorway, resting up against the wall. I was sitting across from him, shaking my leg restlessly and anxiously fiddling with my hair. "What kind of name is Nekoy, anyway?" I quietly asked, bringing my voice down to a whisper._

_Kim had been having these crying fits that satiated the room with tension. I didn't want to wake her, afraid of another one._

_"A made up one," he whispered back. "Actually, its Megati ne'ktosha which means war horse in Potawatomi. One of my baby sisters couldn't say it right. I've been Nekoy ever since, and these days it fits better with present times."_

_His answer was so normal sounding, and understandable, as if we had been talking about any typical family coming across a nickname for their child that stayed. Nekoy was literally human at one time. I didn't think about it before that moment._

_More questions stirred in my head. I bit my lip, trying not pry._

_"What is it? You look like you want to ask me something else," he said, leaning forward and putting his arms around his knees._

_I held my tongue for about a minute but couldn't contain my curiosity. Besides, I had nothing better to do. "How is it you became what you are?"_

_I knew I shouldn't have been conversing with him; but the vampire phenomena fascinated me. Jacob was never forthcoming with information about the Cullens and Paul shied away from my interest. He made it known he wanted to keep me as far away from all vampires as he could. Regardless of how humanized they proved themselves to be._

_"It's a long story." He frowned, reclining himself back against the wall and stretching his legs out._

_I thought his answer meant he didn't want to tell me anything more, but I kept looking at him. He met my curious gaze and shrugged. "I guess we have time."_

_He focused on the ceiling thoughtfully. "My people once occupied the lands now called Michigan, up by the great lakes. It took place in the northern forests of Michigan. I was out gathering medicines for my grandfather one warm summer day. I happened across a beautiful icy woman, with platinum white hair flowing like a river. I had heard stories of the animals that could change themselves to humans and trick men. I thought this was the case. She stalked me for most of the day. I tried to pretend that I wasn't aware of her, while I slowly made my way out of the forest. The way someone would play dead, and hope that the bear doesn't eat them. When I got to the edge of the trees, she called out. I tried to run away, but she approached me swiftly. The next thing I knew, every inch of my body was on fire, and I was in scorching agony."_

_The corners of Nekoy's mouth turned down, and he blinked slowly as he repositioned himself. Fixing his eyes on the wall behind me, he continued in a monotone. "I kept seeing visions of my Grandfather, standing at my side during the entire burning transformation… he stayed with me through all the unbearable pain. Talking about what was happening to my body. He told me that a human looking animal attacked me, an animal that feeds off men. He warned me that when I woke up, I would become one of those animals and harm our people. That I would murder my family to feast on their blood. To protect the tribe, he instructed me to travel far away from all humans upon waking. He said I would need extreme self control to save my spirit and to meditate often, and that he would be there to help me. When the pain finally stopped, I did exactly as he instructed. I left my entire family and my life as a human behind."_

_It shouldn't have surprised me that even the eyes of a vampire would display a painful sting at reliving the end of his life as a human, but it did._

_He mentioned family members he was forced to walk away from; his parents, brothers, baby sisters, grandparents and many other friends and relatives._

_Nekoy's life had been stolen at no fault of his own. My sensitivity kicked in and there was a tugging at my heart for his pain. I tried to find some words of comfort, but what does a person say to something like that? I hugged my own knees instead, remaining silent. I realized none of them had asked to become what they were. I wondered how many of the others in the building had similar stories to tell._

_His voice broke through my thoughts. "I wish you wouldn't look at me like that," he mumbled with a low semi-embarrassed chuckle._

_"Like what?" I asked, pretending to be unaware of what he was referring to, but I never could hide my feelings that well, and compassion covered my face._

_"Like you feel sorry for me. I'm not trying to make you feel bad. Believe me, I've come to terms with what happened a long time ago."_

_I looked away, changing my expression._

_"I've never harmed a human being in all my days," he disclosed. "The meditating helps to control the blood thirsty animal within."_

_"So what happened to the platinum blond haired woman?" I asked, noticing he didn't mention her again._

_"She was the one thing I harmed when I came to. I had to make sure she didn't hurt someone else."_

Liam and I drove to Billy's house. Since Paul and I were being good at not getting caught, I wasn't avoiding him for once, and I really wanted to spend some time with him.

As my luck would have it, Billy wasn't home. The note said gone fishing.

Jacob was home though. I followed the music out to the garage and found Jacob busy working on somebody's car. He had a mechanics set-up in the garage similar to what Paul and his family had. His girlfriend Raven was sitting on a chair against the wall, playing the guitar.

She was his new imprint.

When the Cullens went away, Jacob's bond with Renesmee gradually went away. Billy said it was because of her young, impressionable age, but I thought it was just the opposite. I thought it was because of her high intelligence level. She was no ordinary child. The bond needed nurturing—probably more than what was typical.

Everyone had been so worried about Jacob when the Cullens left. According to Paul, he'd rather die than to have to live without me, even for a short time, and he thought he literally would die if I hadn't accepted the bond and allowed my soul to unite with his.

The feelings Paul—and the others who had imprinted—described left us worried that Jacob would lose his mind or possibly his life. Jacob would have done anything for Renesmee though, and he proved to be strong, stronger than we could have guessed.

We now understand that life would find a way for the wolf to survive. It was comforting for me as an imprint because I knew that the choice to be with Paul was truly mine, and I didn't have to force myself to be with him out of fear he might die or guilt over causing him to suffer or by some sense of duty to our people.

Jacob held himself together well for a while, but we could all see he was teetering, even though he wouldn't admit it. I believed he found Raven just in time.

I wondered if it would have even worked out between him and Renesmee. Billy said that imprinting had to do with genetics and carrying on the strongest wolf bloodline. I always had trouble believing that our wolf forefathers would have genetically intertwined a wolf with a vampire-human breed. Sort of like a wolf mixing with a coyote, or a different species entirely, like a bear or something. That would have changed the entire genetic base of the wolf bloodline in Jacob's children. With a three-way blood mixture, I couldn't see how it made for a stronger wolf. It diluted the wolf if anything. Not to mention that whole "mortal enemies of our forefathers" matter.

But what did I know? I was just glad Paul loved me and I was hoping nothing would ever change that.

Some called an imprint a true and only soul mate. I supposed it could be possible to find your true and only soul mate that way. I leaned toward Billy's explanation though because the animal instinct was the dominant driving force in our werewolves.

Even though it seemed more accurate and fathomable that our wolves would sense their perfect genetic mates, I must admit I loved the soul mate idea. Perhaps it was both.

"Wow Raven. You're getting so good at that," I said, impressed by her talent.

"Thanks. River showed me a lot of new chords. It's made a huge difference."

River was Raven's older brother and also Leah's fiancé.

Jacob came out from under the hood when he heard my voice. "So, Rachel… been flying much?" he smirked with sarcasm.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I let out a blatant laugh, satisfied knowing he was still bent out of shape over the volleyball game.

He chased me around the car until he caught me and rubbed his greasy knuckles into the top of my scalp. It was something I had done to him several times when he was little. There was no chance of that anymore. "Stop it, Jake!" I squealed, attempting to fight him off.

He let go of me. "I know you put Paul up to that yesterday. He's not smart enough to come up with anything on his own."

I'd gladly take the blame for Paul anytime. "Well, you know what they say about paybacks," I taunted.

"Yup, and you remember that next time because I'm armed and dangerous." He grinned, tilting his head toward a cardboard box in the garage's corner. "I found some of your things when I moved that old dresser out of the bedroom."

I approached the box leery of what I would find. I peeked inside, surprised to see my journal setting right on top. "You read my journal!" I gasped, instantly becoming furious. I clenched my fists as my face went hot.

Jacob cackled sinisterly, poking his head back under the hood of the car.

"I told him not to," Raven chimed in, eager to clear herself.

Unclenching my fists, I stretched my hands and took a few deep breaths. How bad could it be? I opened the journal to find out what awkward and embarrassing situations I foolishly recorded.

The memories came flooding back. It was my dream journal. My mom had helped me write in it when I was a little girl. Every time I had a bad night, I crept into my parent's bedroom and climbed in to bed beside her. She always made room, welcoming me in.

_One night, I woke up screaming and crying. I didn't remember what the dream was about but I remembered being terrified._

_She came into my room and scooped me into her arms. "How come I'm the only one with really scary dreams? No one else in the house ever has them," I wailed. "Rebecca says she never dreams at all."_

_"Everyone dreams. She just doesn't remember them the way you do. Some people sleep harder than others," she explained with her soothing voice. "You're actually a very lucky girl to dream so vividly, and to remember them that well. Do you want to know why?"_

_I nodded as she wiped the tears from my eyes._

_"Dreams can be very helpful tools in discovering hidden information about yourself."_

_I stared at her, bewildered._

_"Do you understand what I'm talking about, Rachel?"_

_I shook my head back and forth, pouty._

_"If you have a problem, dreams can help you find the answer. I know because my dreams have helped me find a lot of answers in my life. They've also warned me about hidden dangers to watch for. Sometimes I can see my parents and grandparents in dreams, and I'm happy because I can see them more clearly in a dream than I can remember them in my mind."_

_"But they're not alive. Doesn't that scare you?"_

_"They're alive in my dreams, and they would never scare me. Once I figured out what dreams really meant, they've never been able to frighten me again. I think if we write all of yours in a notebook, we can find out what they mean, where they might come from, and make them go away."_

That was the beginning of my dream journal. I got all choked up; my eye's watering at the memory of my mom. I missed her terribly.

"Rachel, are you okay?" Raven asked, and called out, "Jaake!"

Jacob came back out from under the hood. "Rachel, are you crying? I only read some. Hey, you know I was only kidding. You know that don't you? I would never mention something personal about you to anyone," he stammered regretfully.

"I know you wouldn't." I wiped the tears from my eyes and half smiled, feeling self-conscious. "Just getting a little misty thinking about Mom."

"I know exactly how you feel. I miss her too," he said, stepping toward me and giving me a hug.

"Thanks." I sighed. "Anyway… I'll be in the house. When you have a minute, I need to talk to you about something," I said as I left the garage.

I wanted to talk to him in private because he always got upset whenever I told him I didn't need a shadow.

It didn't take long. Jacob came right inside the house, grabbed a chair from the kitchen table, and sat directly in front of me, stoically.

Liam sat, watching TV. Jacob asked him to give us a few minutes. And I thought I was the one who had wanted to speak to him. He acted like he was older than the mountains sometimes, definitely older than me sometimes. I supposed it was all the responsibility he shouldered. As soon as Liam walked outside, Jacob started in. "So you heard about what's going on today, huh? It could be nothing. We had to check it out, anyway."

"I know. It's just that this is La Push. Kim and I, we're perfectly safe here in La Push, Jake." I said, making sure my voice sounded calm and reasonable. My concern was Liam, Journey, and all the other teenage wolves that constantly had to give up their Saturdays in vain.

He leaned back in the chair, locking his fingers behind his head. "I know what you're going to say, Rachel, but we can't do it."

I glared at him. Why did he have to be so staunch?

"Unless you can remember who the vampire was after?" He raised his eyebrows and waited for my answer.

"Jake, I already told you. I don't think the vampire was after anyone." Same conversation-different version. I pulled my eyebrows together irritated.

Jacob's face did the same, and I knew he was just as aggravated as I was. Breathing deeply, he softened his expression. "Look, if we knew for sure the vampire was after Kim, nobody would have to follow you around."

"But I honestly don't think he was," I said, quickly adding, "But he wasn't after me either."

"Brady tells a different story."

I shrugged, shaking my head. "I don't know why Brady says that."

"Why is it you and Kim can't remember anything? Were they giving you something?"

_"Get her to drink this," Nekoy whispered, pouring steaming liquid from a silver metal thermos into one of the Styrofoam cups on the table._

_"What is it?"_

_"Its Sitka Valerian tea, made from the root of the plant. It has powerful tranquilizing effects. It'll keep her calm. It's the best I could do, my options were limited. I also found some wild cascade hops. The combination should work well."_

_"Is that where you went?" I uttered, still shook and muddled from the near death experience we just survived._

_"I wasn't too far from the complex, gathering the plants when I heard the commotion. Sorry I left. I only wanted to help her," he said, looking at Kim. "I won't leave again."_

_I fixed a sandwich for Kim and woke her up to eat. "R-Rachel, d-do you think they will find us?" she stuttered. They were the first words she had spoken since we arrived._

_"I'm sure of it," I said as bold as I could. Nowhere near as confident as I was trying to sound. Nekoy said that whoever was in charge was expecting to keep us there over a week. I was already dreading the days to come. "It's too cold in here, Kim. Drink this tea. It'll warm you."_

_She took the tea without asking questions, timidly drinking it and nibbling on her sandwich. Every time Nekoy moved, she jumped. Her eyes were glaring with mistrust, and she wouldn't take them off him for a second. He knew she was afraid of him so he only spoke while she was asleep._

_Sooner than I expected, she gave into her drowsiness. Laying herself on the mattress, she drifted off to sleep._

"Rachel, were they feeding you something?" Jacob repeated with a sharp voice.

"I don't know … maybe." I shook my head again. "No… I don't think they were."

Frustration broke through his facade and he threw his arms in the air, abruptly standing up. "He was with both of you constantly! We find it hard to believe that he never spoke a word to either of you, especially considering his infatuation."

I nearly voiced, he didn't have an infatuation, but caught myself.

If I would have told any of them that Nekoy was kind to us and saved our lives, they would only have assumed he did it because he really had a so-called thing for someone. And if they thought the someone was me, I was certain they would force me to tell them everything I knew, which was that Nekoy was somewhere in the Canadian Rockies. At least that's where he planned ongoing, near a town called Golden. I'd have had no choice but to tell. Think of the presumptions everyone would make if I refused to answer their questions, once they knew I talked with him. I couldn't do that to Paul, but I also couldn't let them find Nekoy. I owed him that much.

"I'm sorry, Jake. I don't know what else to say." I turned away, guilt twisting my stomach because of the flat out lie I was about to tell him. "If I knew something, don't you think I would have told Paul already, told you both?"

Jacob raised his voice loud and angry. "Then how in the hell could you even think about not having someone around to protect you? They took you from La Push the last time! Do you even care he's still roaming around out there? Do you even want us to find him?"

"Jeez, Jake. I care!" I raised my voice in return, hoping I sounded convincing. "Forget it then. Forget that I brought it up. They can follow me around all they want, and I won't bring it up again."

"They want!" he repeated, stretching the words with a gritty, sour tone in his voice. He sat back down on the chair, looked me straight in the eyes, and said, "That's just it Rachel. Why don't you want?"

My heart skipped, and my face twitched. I panicked and broke eye contact, speechless.

A spasm of betrayal crossed his face before he stood up and walked out the door. He slammed it shut behind him, making the entire house vibrate. "Don't let her out of your sight, Liam," he ordered extra loud as he stomped off the porch.

Nerves filled me as I realized, I completely blew it!

Of all people, you'd have thought Jacob would have been the person to understand that a vampire could be decent, honorable.

If there was any way to explain things to them without appearing to be a victim of Stockholm Syndrome (the syndrome in which the hostage is brainwashed to side with the captors) I would have convinced them that Nekoy wasn't a threat. But, after several months of playing their reactions out in my mind, I gave up and decided; silence and avoidance were the best solutions.

There was just no way of talking about Nekoy without making the situation worse.


	4. Wish for Understanding

**Chapter 4**

_**Wish for Understanding**_

The expression on Jacob's face haunted me for the rest of the day. On one hand, I felt awful lying to him. On the other hand, I was furious at him for making me feel like I was in the wrong for protecting someone that didn't deserve his wrath; someone who didn't deserve to die.

Patience wasn't a virtue of Jake's—especially for members of his own family. Once upon a time he ran around La Push with a broken heart, lashing out at everyone who crossed his path with no remorse. He expected us to give him his space and mind our own business. He didn't have much kindness in his heart _at all_ in those days, and the kindness he had was showered on Bella.

I went away to school and left this happy, outgoing, pesky little brother behind. When I came home, a fully grown man with a huge gash in his heart and a giant chip on his shoulder, was sitting in his place. During this time, I was still in the dark about the existence of vampires and shapeshifters.

My first night home, after Billy went to bed, we sat outside on the porch drinking hot chocolate, reminiscing about our childhood and catching up with each other. Somewhere in the night, between the laughter of missing teeth and funny haircuts and the tears over losing our mother, Jacob opened up. He talked about his love for Bella, his desperation, and his heartache. I assumed he confided in me because I was the next best thing to our mom and he suffered in silence for so long. Knowing what I know now, that was only part of the reason. He confided in me because he could let go of himself in a way he wasn't able to do with the guys always listening to him.

When it all came out, it didn't just trickle out; it flooded out—painfully. Seeing tears from my little brother's eyes and the anguish on his face was one of the saddest sights I'd ever witnessed. I prayed that Bella would find it in her heart to love him as much as he loved her for _his_ sake. When she didn't, I was so angry that someone took my happy-go-lucky baby brother and twisted him in to a bitter, mean, hostile person; but, when he kept going back I had to admit that he was to blame.

As much as I wished he'd grow a backbone and as much as I wanted to slap him upside the head and tell him to wise up, I kept my opinions to myself. I defended him when he outraged Sam, Paul, and the others, by siding with his friends over his family; vampires to boot.

He forgot all the understanding, patience, and space I had allowed him when he was—what I considered being—unjustifiably hurting.

The more I thought about it. I decided I was more infuriated than guilty. He put us through hell, and we all stood by him. He deserted us, broke up the pack, and prepared to die in battle, all in the name of a vampire; yet, he egotistically believed he was the only person with enough wisdom to discern the right course of action to take when dealing with one, whether they lived or died.

Paul walked through the door. One look at me and he knew something was wrong. It was then I realized my pinched brows and frown. I widened my eyes, wiping the look from my face. Concern flowed from him, clothing me in a blanket of security. I stood up, put my arms around him and tried to distract him with a kiss to deter the question coming. He pulled away, lifted my chin, and looked at me with intensity. "What happened?"

"You mean you don't know already?" I moped.

He shook his head. "I just now got back from Seattle. We were all over that crowded city today. Now tell me."

"It was just a bad day. I don't want to re-hash it," I said, falling back and sinking into my overly soft, plush loveseat. I knew Paul would side with Jacob, and I couldn't afford to let him glimpse what Jacob might have saw; that I wasn't telling the whole truth. The sharp instincts of the wolf were a nuisance sometimes.

"Not good enough," he said, sitting down next to me for the story.

"I just think no one should have to waste their time on me, that's all. It makes me feel bad they have to follow me around all the time, so I mentioned it to Jacob again."

"Are you kidding me?" Paul looked at me like I was out of my mind. "Keeping you and Kim safe isn't a waste of anyone's time. As long as that bloodsucker is out there, everyone is happy to keep an eye on you. I know exactly what they're all thinking, remember?"

"I knew you would say that. That's why I didn't want to mention it."

"Did you have an argument?"

"No, but the conversation didn't end on a good note."

"I'm sorry. I wish could be more sympathetic of your feelings for you, but your protection is something Jacob and I totally agree on, one hundred percent… hell, we all do."

Still feeling gloomy, I didn't answer.

He lifted my chin again. "Okay?" he asked, kissing the tip of my nose.

"Okay." I nodded, forcing a smile.

He appeared relieved that what was bothering me wasn't more serious. I felt relieved that my conversation with him went nowhere near where it had gone with Jacob.

"You know what though? If I moved in here, permanently you could shake loose the others most of the time." He winked playfully. "Yep. I definitely think that's an angle we can take to Billy."

His smile warmed me, immediately freeing my spirits of the discouragement bothering me all day. He made me feel so good all the time. Being with him was being submerged in a gigantic swell of unconditional love, with waves of passion and devotion, embracing me to my core. Our special connection yielded a comfort and togetherness far more perfect than I could have ever imagined.

"I will most definitely take that angle to Billy." I sighed in happiness, snuggling up to him and letting the heat of his body relax me. "But if that doesn't work, school is almost out, and I'll have the entire summer free to spend with you."

"Can't wait!" He grinned and kissed me. "Glad you're feeling better."

When he left, my thoughts drifted back to the betrayed expression on Jacob's face. I wondered what he'd say if I told him I was the one giving Kim something to put her to sleep. I had to. There was just no other way.

_Nekoy had asked Tony to check on the wolf in the cage at my request. They were drugging him to keep him sleeping, supposedly for his own good. When Tony left the room, he let the heavy door bang shut loud. _

_After having cried herself to sleep again, Kim woke from the echo of the banged door. She screamed, hysterical. I cupped my hand over her mouth as fast as I could, pleading with her to calm down. _

_Tony rushed back inside, shouting, "What's wrong!"_

_She shook me off her, continuing to scream. She was losing it. Nekoy grabbed a hold of her. She froze in fear for a second. Then she wailed, reaching for me and putting her head on my shoulder._

"_Sh-," I hushed. I heard others approaching outside the door. Nekoy and Tony stood motionless, in defensive postures until whoever was on the other side walked away. Goose bumps broke out on my arms as I tried to quiet her. "Please Kim. Stop crying."_

"_Tony stay in here with the girls," Nekoy said. "I'll be back as soon as possible."_

_I didn't feel safe with Tony. Jumping up from the mattress, I grabbed at Nekoy. "Please don't leave us!" _

_Cold hands touched my shoulders as he looked into my terrified eyes. "I'll be back soon." _

_Kim continued sobbing. She was really out of control and didn't seem to comprehend anything I said to her._

_I heard a clinking sound. My sight focused on the doorknob, waiting for it to turn. Tony fixed his eyes on it also and signaled for me to take Kim into the bathroom. I did, barely resisting the urge to cry myself._

_The door popped, several crashes jolted the room, causing the building to shake as Tony attempted to fight someone. _

_Unthinking, I rushed back into the room with tunnel vision. A large vampire stood before me with blood-colored eyes. His lips were curled up over his teeth and venom was dripping from his mouth like a rabid animal. He flew at me faster than I could see. Gripping my eyes shut, I braced for the impact. Suddenly another violent jolt radiated thru the building. My eyes opened to Nekoy having slammed the vampire out of the room, and into a metal beam visible through the opened doorway. The same quaking commotion ensued outside of the room. _

_Boisterous snickers came from the other vampires._

"_Enough!" George shouted in a furious tone. It immediately grew silent._

"_What's the matter with all of you?" Thomas hollered. "You know the guests are not to be harmed, yet you all stand around waiting for someone to do it, hoping to receive some leftovers." _

_A buzzing sound grew in my head. The edges of my vision began to whiteout and my legs wobbled. I recognized the feeling; I was about to faint. Falling to the mattress and burying my face into it, I huffed until the feeling went away. I shivered as Nekoy's icy hand patted me on the pack, the way I had done with Kim. I couldn't contain myself any longer. I didn't care what he was. I sat up, flung my arms around him, and broke apart crying, my entire body trembling. ._

_A quality about him, reminded me of someone I knew but I couldn't quite make the connection. He felt uncannily familiar. "It's all right he won't be coming back. I made certain." _

_George told someone to take Pete outside and get rid of him. He told someone else to get a lock for the door._

"_These guests serve a very important purpose. Consider this a warning… anyone who gets the same idea as our friend Pete will also share his fate. There is more than enough game in these mountains to feed you all. If you can't control your human blood thirst its best you stay somewhere else until we leave. It's only a matter of time."_

_I pulled away looking directly at Nekoy. "Thank you," I squeaked as I stood up to go check on Kim._

_She was sitting on the bathroom floor, still crying, and covering her ears with the palms of her hands. I helped her up and took her back to the mattress. She curled up again, closing her eyes._

_Tony returned a short while later, holding a metal thermos filled with something hot._

"_I found the thermos in the kitchen," he whispered, handing it to Nekoy. "Are they okay?" Concern creased his strange facial skin, and I realized he was good like Nekoy. _

"_Thank you, Tony. Thank you both." _

_Tony heaved a sigh. "You were right, Nekoy. We don't belong here. We shouldn't have come."_

_My stomach knotted up, and I shifted uncomfortable at Tony's regret and scared that they might leave us. _

_Nekoy threw him an angry look._

_He cringed realizing what he'd said and apologized. "I didn't mean that. I'm glad we're here for you. I just don't like what's happening. It bothers me more than I thought it would…" When I didn't respond, he said, "I'll sit outside the door and wait for the lock, Nekoy." _

Climbing into bed after my emotionally tensed day, I decided that I would leave things alone from now on, and not worry about my shadows or Nekoy. Jacob and Sam could continue doing what they believed to be best. I reminded myself that they would never find Nekoy anyway, because he would never be in the area.

My first regular dream of Nekoy surfaced. It wasn't real vivid or clear, just different.

_We rode horseback in a yellow prairie meadow. The spring sun shined warm brightness. Nekoy raced ahead of me. I kicked my horse twice, and it galloped after him. Nekoy looked back, smiling, and tugged his horse to a trot. I ran my horse beside him and slowed, laughing. We rode to a creek surrounded by a few trees and bushes. Nekoy hopped off his horse and tied it to a tree. Then he reached his arms up and lifted me down from my horse. He was brimming with cheerfulness, and so was I._

What struck me as odd upon waking was that never… had I been on a horse.


	5. Uninvited Emotions

**Chapter 5**

_**Uninvited Emotions**_

School ended for summer, and I volunteered to be the librarian for summer school one day a week, making me aware of just how much we needed to revamp our current reading program. I was in the library surfing the net for vases and planters.

We only had a couple weeks left before Leah's wedding. It was crunch time. We girls were getting together nearly every day to help with the arrangements.

Leah wanted natural earthy vases for the flower arrangements; I elected myself to find the best. I came across some unique natural wood planters that looked like logs and were gorgeous. I was hoping to find some rocky textured vases to go along with them. I didn't mind if I had to spray paint them the precise color. Paul promised to help me.

Leah asked Raven to be her Maid of Honor which didn't surprise me. They were a lot alike and seemed more like best friends than future in-laws. I got the impression that Emily assumed she would be the Maid of Honor since she and Leah were cousins, but aside from the slight startled expression that briefly appeared when Leah made the announcement, if Emily was terribly disappointed, she didn't let on. She had a lot of class that way.

I was away at college when I first heard about Sam and Emily. To put it mildly, it really pissed me off. I was furious with Sam, disgusted. Oh, how I wanted to murder him! Leah and I grew up together, and I knew how much she loved him. When he took her to our Junior-Senior Prom, she was the only underclassman invited by an upperclassman, so she was the envy of all the other girls her age. The two of them were genuinely in love with each other. We were all certain they would get married someday and be together forever.

The next thing I knew, Sam was with Leah's close cousin Emily. My heart broke so much for Leah that I cried just thinking about it. I couldn't imagine how anyone could get past something so awful. As soon as I found out about it, I called her house to comfort her. She was so devastated; she couldn't even speak about it. Not to me, my sister, or any of our other friends.

I almost called Sam to find out just what the hell he thought he was doing, but Billy told me not to. I interrogated Jacob though, and he confessed some of what he knew just to stop my nagging.

He told me that Sam felt terrible about the situation and that Emily was helping him through the break-up. Outraged by Jacob's explanation, I blew up at him. I couldn't figure out what kind of person would care more about the ex-boyfriend of her so-called _favorite _cousin than the cousin she should love. She should have been helping Leah through the break-up!

I came home from college prepared to hate Emily.

Then I ran in to Paul on the beach—the best day in my life—and an entirely different world opened up. I could no longer blame Emily for the way she felt about Sam. Emily was a sweet, caring person. I was glad I had the chance to understand the true story behind her and Sam's relationship and to get to know the real Emily, because most of our old schoolmates, including my sister, Rebecca, didn't have that privilege, so Emily continued to look like the bad guy to them.

Leah spent a lot of time defending Emily and trying to convince people she truly didn't mind what happened. If everyone could see how Leah looked at River, they'd know that she and Sam's past was a non-issue.

I couldn't believe that there was once so much heartbreak and pain floating around La Push back then.

As I sat clicking on various web pages, the rough sound of a fake cough echoed throughout the empty hallway. I glanced toward the door just as Jacob strolled in.

"Hi," I said, long and drawn out, smiling half-heartedly. The reason for his visit worried me. Since our last discussion, I had been avoiding him. It was really my culpability that was keeping me away from him, but I'm sure it didn't look that way to him.

"Hey sis… I know you've been avoiding me lately. I just wanted to apologize for getting a little upset with you the other day. It's not your fault you're too frightened to remember anything about your captivity."

The sincerity in his eyes had me imploding with guilt. His thoughtful gesture to apologize also touched me.

"Thanks," I said, allowing myself to relax and smile more sincerely. "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have complained about my protectors. I'm lucky to have them." There I was again, putting up another charade.

"I hate to pry, but how are you? With the nightmares, I mean." He pulled up a chair beside me.

_Ah Ha!_

He was attempting to find the answers to his questions from my dreams. I chalked it up to him getting a peek at my dream journal. I had to admit, my little brother could be clever; although, I would have been a lot prouder if I wasn't the person he was trying to psychoanalyze.

"I haven't had a nightmare for a few weeks now. Knock on wood." I said, knocking on the wooden bookshelf to the right of me. Just several, what I now considered as being, routine dreams. All of which Nekoy was present and keeping me safe. I left the latter out. The dreams weren't lucid nor were they as memorable as the first couple of dreams I had had about him.

"Good. I'm glad to hear it. What were they about anyway? You never said before and I never asked."

_Oh, oh, here comes round two._

Weighing his conclusions to my answers, I cautiously responded. "Have you ever had a dream that appears so clear and tangible you think it's really happening while you're dreaming it?"

Deflecting his question by asking him one of my own was the best I could come up with at the moment's spur. I couldn't tell him my nightmares were about my being attacked because he might discover my near attack, and he would wonder how I survived it.

"Now that you mention it. I have had dreams like that. The ones I have of Embry. They feel totally real." He paused then confessed with a soft tone. "Sometimes I think they are real."

His answer was perfect. Since he seemed to understand what I meant, I could explain why they frightened me as much as they did without going into any of the details. "Well, It feels like that, as if I'm back in that awful room going through every single terrified moment all over again. That's what makes them so horrifying."

He scrunched his eyebrows together and stroked his chin with his fingers, his expression of wondering moving into a combination of understanding and displeasure. "I can relate to that," he said, nodding his head. "I'm really glad you haven't had any lately. Sorry for bringing it up, but I thought it might shed some light on why you both can't remember anything.

"You know Rachel, you could talk to me about anything," he said, staring at me with seriousness as he stood up to leave.

I shook my head up and down, wishing it were true.

"I better see you and Paul at the volleyball game tonight," he smirked, changing the subject.

"So that's the real reason for your visit. Got something up your sleeves, eh?" I was joking, but also wondering what it might be.

"How about we call a truce? I just miss hanging out with you guys."

I grinned. It was one of those moments when a sister thinks, _I actually have a pretty cool little brother._ "Since you delivered the invitation in person, we'll be there."

We had a great time playing volleyball. After we finished, we all sat around a small campfire, talking about random things and just hanging out.

There was always a hearty concentration of serenity in the atmosphere when all the couples were together. It was unreal. Even though I was a part of it all, I still considered the connections we had with our significant others to be fantastically amazing.

We stayed out, enjoying the togetherness until the night sky crackled, lighting and thunder, dropping cold hints of the nearing storm.

I finally realized that knocking on wood had the opposite effect for me.

_I was sitting on the ground near a small cozy campfire, under a bright full-moon with a thousand stars surrounding it. A breathtaking night sky sparkled above me. There were people sitting on both sides of me, although, I couldn't make out their faces, yet, I felt totally at ease._

_A warm pair of familiar hands covered my eyes. I didn't have to see his face to know who it was. Excitement fluttered my tummy. He sat down behind me, gently tugging my body backward and folding himself around me. He pressed his cheek against mine. I turned my head toward him and we kissed_—_a soft,_ _perfect kiss. It overwhelmed me with a heated sensation of complete love and devotion as I opened my eyes to see a strong beautiful Nekoy gazing back at me._

In the dream, events felt natural. I belonged there with him and I wished the moment could last forever.

Reflecting on the dream for a few minutes upon waking, I tossed and turned. Then I jumped up, ran into the restroom, and splashed cold water on my face. Even though the dream wasn't lucid, it really freaked me out.

Paul didn't stay the night because he had to pick parts up in Seattle again. I called him anyway, feeling mostly relief but also somewhat disappointed he answered the phone. I wasn't sure why. "Sorry to wake you. I know you have an early day but please come over here." My voice broke, and I felt sick to my stomach.

In a voice rickety with worry, he said, "Sure. I'll be right there."

That freaky Freudian dream left me seriously shaken. I bundled a blanket around myself and sat curled up on the couch, with my eyes closed while waiting for Paul to arrive.

"Rachel. I'm here," Paul muttered. The couch caved slightly as he sat down and scooted me into his arms.

Opening my eyes, I realized I had dozed off. The first thing I detected was alarm etched over Paul's face. Not wanting to see the concerned look in his eyes, I tried to focus on all his other features. I felt sick with guilt over the dream.

The next thing I knew, my tears were dripping and my face was buried into his neck.

Paul's body held a subtle tremble. "Can you tell me what's wrong?" he asked, his tone sweet concern.

How could I? When the reason behind the sad discomfort and the tears was the fact that the dream didn't bother me how I thought it should have. More disturbingly, feelings present in the dream materialized in my waking state, and for a few minutes afterward, I longed for Nekoy.

Trying to get a grip, I pulled my head away wiping my tears. "A b-bad dream," I stuttered, catching my breath as I attempted to untangle my jumbled thoughts.

I didn't understand why I would dream such a thing. I didn't understand why I would feel the way I did when I awoke. All I knew was that I had this sudden urgency to be with Paul. He was the true love of my life.

Then why did I need to see him to prove it to myself?

Keeping my indebtedness to Nekoy a secret was shaking up my conscience, mixing with my dreams, and messing with my mind.

Usually when I had a nightmare, I woke up frightened and sweaty. As soon as I was awake, I recovered instantly, I rarely dwelled on it for more than an hour, and I never cried. Paul witnessed my reactions repeatedly, and he already knew that I never dreamt about the missing vampire. It's how he recognized the difference.

His entire demeanor swelled with certainty and I knew that he knew. "You were dreaming about _him_ weren't you?" he stated, cupping my face in the palms of his hands—all of his senses appearing finely tuned to my response as he stared directly into my eyes. His own eyes sparked full of love and support.

There was nothing to deny. I nodded my head up and down frailly understanding he assumed the image of Nekoy frightened me to death. More tears fell from knowing I was giving him the absolute wrong impression. He gently wiped them away with his thumbs. "Everything's okay. You're safe. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really." There was no possibility of sharing that dream with him, unless I made something up, and I would not do that.

Paul never pressured me about anything. When I told him the vampire didn't have an infatuation with me, he believed me and left it alone. At least, I always thought he did.

Gulping, I murmured, "I seriously overreacted and I don't want to think about it." I placed my arms back around his neck and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Okay. I'm here now and I'm staying, so try to get some sleep," he said, lifting me up and carrying me back into the bedroom.

The crackling rumble of thunder shook me awake. The room was dull and dreary, and rain was splattering hard and loud against the windowpane. Paul was standing by it looking out. It was water shrouded and way too blurry to see anything. Obviously, he was deep in thought about the previous night's occurrence.

After the fog in my head cleared, I glanced at the clock. "You didn't go to Seattle!" I shrieked, sitting up; mad at myself for my melodramatics.

He turned toward me with an expression draped in inquiry. "Hold on, first things first. You were pretty disturbed last night." He said it like a statement, but I knew it was a question. He sat down beside me.

I took a moment before lowering my head and replying, "I think it's because I haven't had a nightmare in so many weeks. It really shook me up." My insides tumbled with nerves as I lifted my head to look him in the eyes, feeling like a despicable liar. But I couldn't tell him anything else. All I wanted to do was forget about the stupid dream.

"Are you sure? Judging by the tears, I thought you remembered something important." Stretching out each word distinctly, he reminded me. "You. Specifically. Said. It was about _him_."

The rattle of impatience sounded in his voice and agitation flickered throughout his typical lax disposition, revealing a hint of Paul's recklessness. Evidently, I had just poured a ton of gas on the fire to find Nekoy for no good reason. After all, it was my dream not Nekoy's. My head thumped from tension.

_Stupid, stupid dream… stupid Rachel!_

"I just saw him in the dream. That's it," I asserted. "And you can't tell Jacob and Sam either. Jacob will badger me to death. It was probably his fault I had the damn nightmare, anyway. He was asking me questions again yesterday."

_It could have been the cause._

"Yeah… I heard him saying something about that to Sam," Paul disclosed, lounging into a more relaxed posture. "Understand, babe, we'll never be able to ease up on you and Kim until he's found. The sooner the better. You'll rest easier. We all will."

"I can't tell him the things he wants to know, and he always makes me feel worse," I said, but really meaning, I won't tell him the things he wants to know and that's what makes me feel worse. It wasn't a lie, just a misleading truth. That left a sick curdled taste in my mouth just the same.

"I should have followed him when I had the fucking chance." Paul groaned, shaking his head in anger.

I lowered my head and rubbed my temples. My perspective concerning Nekoy needed some serious re-evaluation.

Paul let out a deep sigh. Softening his demeanor, he took hold of both my hands. "I'll try not to think about last night when they're around, okay? But we've got to find him. We will find him."

He bent slightly tilting his head to see my face until I straightened up and stretched my lips into a closed smile. He placed his forehead against mine and peered into my eyes. "I'll never let anything happen to you."

I leaned my head on his shoulder feeling drained and heavy with guilty worries.

"Now about Seattle." He smiled. "My dad went this time instead so I could stay with you all day today."

"I'm glad," I said, feeling the need to stay close to him too.

A high-pitched horn honked a few times outside of my apartment. I looked out the window and spotted Billy parked in the driveway. "Shoot! It's Billy."

"I'll go talk to him," Paul offered.

Paul and Billy got along decently, but with me and my reputation, Billy could be as ferocious as a mama bear protecting its cub. Paul didn't need to take the blame when I was the one who called him over. "No. I'll do it," I said, sliding my feet into my slippers and throwing on a long flannel over coat.

I hurried through the rain and jumped into Billy's truck. "Sorry, Dad. I asked Paul to come over last night," I said with boldness.

He looked more concerned than upset. "We know. I'm just here to see if you're okay," he explained. "Jake heard Paul racing over here last night feeling panicked. Do you want to tell me why?"

"I had a disturbing nightmare. I didn't want to be alone. That's all."

"Rachel, it's been long enough. You should think about talking to someone."

I threw my head back and laughed. "How am I supposed to do that, Dad? I can't tell anyone about vampires. They'll have me locked up!"

"Of course not, and I wasn't talking about a professional. I was talking about your sister. She says you hardly speak to her anymore."

He was right. I hadn't talked with her in months and, considering how close we used to be, I could see how that would upset him. Family was everything to Billy, even more so after my mom passed away as unexpectedly as she did.

I leaned my head against the window while Billy preached about staying close and making time for the family because time was precious and death was unpredictable, waiting for him to finish.

When it was my turn, I complained, "It's too hard to confide in her these days. There's so much of my life I'm not allowed to tell her. I always end up tiptoeing around our entire conversations and it gets stressful."

"Where there's a will, there's a way," Billy quoted. "I kept in touch with both of you without giving out all the hairy, scary details. Call the vampires, thugs, bad guys, dream demons or whatever, just talk to your sister."

I thought about it for a few minutes then promised Billy that I'd call Rebecca soon, figuring a confidant might be just what I needed to help me sort through my latest troubles. Heaven knew, I could definitely use a sounding board about _that_ dream.

"Jake and Sam have been attending the sweat ceremonies," Billy mentioned. "Everyone's focusing all their energy on finding the missing vampire for you."

"Really?" I said, pretending to be interested then listening absent-mindedly.

"This younger generation doesn't grasp the importance of keeping our ceremonial traditions alive. It can be powerful medicine if it's done in the right state of mind. But it takes a lot of fasting and praying to get to that level of spiritual awareness. Strong meditation is the key. Jacob and Sam need more discipline, but they'll get there. I told Jake. Old Quil isn't always going to be around and neither am I. We need to pass the knowledge on and teach them the art before it's too late."

_Teaching the art,_ my mind drifted with the words_._

_Kim woke up for a little while so Nekoy kept his distance and stayed quiet just like he did every time she was awake. She was unbelievably groggy and soon fell back to sleep without a crying spell. Thank goodness for the tea!_

_When Kim was out again, Nekoy said in what I thought was a sulk, "She's absolutely terrified of me. I don't blame her though. I understand how dangerous and intimidating knowing what I am can be."_

_His distant frown was noticeable. "Does that bother you? I mean… someone fearing you," I asked, turning to look at him._

_He glanced away briefly before nodding his head. "It does, a little, because it's not who I am mentally." He sighed. "Physically, I'm a literal blood-thirsty monster. People should fear me."_

"_I did at first," I admitted, speaking bluntly. "But I trusted you before you even asked me to. I just want you to know that."_

_I slid myself closer and leaned up against the wall beside him. Probably to prove, I meant what I was saying. "I don't fear you, and I don't see a monster either. You saved my life. I only see a friend."_

"_Thank you, Rachel. I'm glad to hear it." He grinned, appearing content with my revelation. "I have to admit though. This is the first-time humans have ever known what I am. Normally, they see something far more pleasant appearing, especially if we want them to"_

_I gave his remark some thought. If I didn't know vampires existed, what would have been my first impression of him?_

_Inconspicuously, I combed over his entire appearance. Perfectly chiseled features, and his suave persona was admirable. I decided that I would recognize his superiority over the average male and that there was something different about him, but I wouldn't have had a clue he was a vampire. Especially, because they're not supposed to exist._

_Kim shifted several times mumbling but didn't wake. "Wow. That stuff really works. How did you know about it?"_

"_My grandfather was an e'shkukinIsnage, a medicine man_—_very skilled. People talked that he was so powerful he could put himself in two places at once. Some claimed to have seen him do it, although, I never did. Whenever I asked him about it, he always answered me with a laugh." Nekoy's eyes shimmered pleasantly at the memory. "I didn't find out the truth until my transformation. I gathered medicines for him regularly. He was teaching me the art."_

Powerful medicine—powerful medicine man, stuck out in mind as Billy spoke.


	6. Impractical Ideas

**Chapter 6**

_**Impractical Ideas**_

My dreams turned the opposite of what they had been. No longer frightening, they played out as strange _familiar _scenes, starring Nekoy as the lead Romeo. Almost as if I was living a double life.

Though not a shock anymore, sometimes, passion saturated the dreams, and they got scorching hot. Thick feelings of love and attraction left over from images of my naked body tangled in Nekoy's made it difficult to look Paul in the eyes upon waking. On these instances, I knew he felt the wedge between us, but for whatever reason, didn't mention it. Everything went back to normal as soon as I touched and kissed him. And I worked overtime to take care of him after one of those types of dreams. Maybe that was the reason Paul didn't mention it, yet.

Mostly though, the dreams were innocent.

_Hands entwined, we strolled near a mountain stream, on our way to a waterfall up ahead. Skipping, from a flat rock to a flat rock,_ _we worked to get across the semi-gentle rushing water. Nekoy jumped first then held his arm out to steady me when I jumped. We only had a couple more moves to make before we reached the other side._

_The gap from the second to the last rock was wider than the others. I took a slight run and leapt for it, landing with a little too much vigor and I fell into Nekoy, who stood ready to catch me. He staggered back, with both arms spread out and moving in a circular motion, trying to hold his balance. Wobbling myself, I reached out for him, too late. He slipped off the rock and splashed into the cool, shallow water. It was hilarious. I laughed. He straightened up on his feet, soaking wet and grinning. Then he snatched my arm and jerked me into the stream with him._

I thought, hoped, my latest bout of dreams was just another phase on the road to recovery. Still, it hadn't gotten less confusing. That's why I gave Rebecca another call. The last time I spoke to her, after the prompting Billy gave me, I couldn't bring myself to tell her about my dreams. But now I really needed to talk to someone.

When she didn't answer the phone, I decided not to leave a message in case I changed my mind.

Paul planned to come get me as soon as he finished his patrol. They delivered the rocky textured vases to his house and he and I needed to spray paint them: some a sandy-beige and basic-gray color, and some a slated-gray color. We already had the trials and errors out of the way, so the finished product was going to be perfect.

I finished cooking dinner and was just waiting for him to return. Cooking wasn't one of my best talents, but I was getting better. Rarely did I burn anything anymore.

My first time cooking for him turned out to be a disgraceful disaster.

_We had only been together for a few weeks, and I wanted to do something special for him. Running patrols always made him starving, so I planned to surprise him with a big breakfast. Red meat was his favorite. Steak, eggs, and hash browns seemed the best choice. _

_I sent Billy fishing and Jacob was missing in action. Paul promised to come straight over to see me when he finished his run, so I could make sure he didn't stop somewhere else and eat._

_Between checking on the food, I did my makeup and attempted my hair, but it was behaving out of control with frizz and giving me a hard time. Fighting it, I lost track of cooking, until the smoke alarm screamed at full volume. I rushed into the kitchen to catch yellow flames dancing from the pan of hash browns. Quickly smothering them with the top of the pan, opaque, stinky, smoke filled the house. I flew to the windows, opening them up then grabbed a dishtowel and attempted to flag the smoke outside, hoping to clear the air before Paul arrived. _

_On the bright side, I salvaged some of the surprise with the steak and eggs, so as long as Paul didn't find out about the burnt hash browns, I'd call it a success and be happy. But before I could clean up the mess and get rid of the smelly evidence, Paul waltzed inside. "What's going on?" he asked, wrinkling his nose from the charred stench loitering throughout the house._

_My heart sank. Embarrassed, I covered my reddening face with my hands. "It was a surprise!" _

_He gripped his lips together, trying to keep himself from laughing. Snapping my eyes, I turned away, fighting the urge to blubber. A few tears escaped from the humiliation of it all._

_He put his arms around me from behind, kissed my neck, and turned me toward him, still halfway grinning. "Well, don't cry, babe. It's the thought that counts. Besides, I think it's cute."_

_Adding to the mortification, Paul thought about it somewhere along the line, and the next time I saw Jacob, he crowed, "Ellie May burnt the potatoes," doubling up with laughter. And if Jacob knew then everyone knew. _

_Paul didn't tell on purpose, but it upset me. He felt terrible for Jacob's teasing and insensitivity and promised me he would learn to control his thoughts better._

I dialed Rebecca's number again. This time she answered the phone. "Hi, sister," I said, feeling indecisive with my decision to call her.

"Rachel, I was just thinking about you. I'm glad you called."

"Me too! I really need to talk to you," I proclaimed in what I thought was a normal tone of voice.

Apparently, she thought otherwise.

"What's wrong? Is something going on between you and Paul? Am I going to need to fly over there and kick the shit out of him?" she joked, sort of serious sounding. Rebecca was the feistier, more aggressive one of us.

I giggled. "No, Paul and I are fine. There isn't a problem to discuss. It's more like a concern. I wanted to hear your opinion on the matter."

"Good. I'm glad there's no problem. Now what's the concern?" she eagerly asked.

Words raced through my mind as I tried to come up with a way to start, realizing how much we had drifted apart. We used to talk about anything with no uncomfortable moments between us.

"I've been dreaming about another guy," I blurted, spitting the words out of my mouth before I changed my mind.

Silence followed. "Rebecca, are you there?" I asked, wondering what was going on in her mind.

She chuckled. "Yeah, I'm here. I just didn't expect that to be the concern."

"It sounds really stupid doesn't it?" My face, neck, and ears heated. Saying it out loud to someone was troubling. "That's why I almost didn't bring it up."

"Oh no, Rachel. If it's a concern of yours, it's a concern of mine," she said, using a very indulgent tone. "You could tell me anything, no matter how stupid. Now give me some background on this guy."

"Well, I met him about a year ago, and I don't know him well, but I spent three days with him." I left the nights part out. A lot of good that did.

"Rachel," she wheezed. "You cheated on Paul with some random guy?"

I burst out laughing at the sound of her hysterics. "No, just let me tell you about it, okay?"

"Whoo!" She panted with relief. "Okay. Go ahead."

Just as Billy suggested, I changed some facts; actually, nearly all the facts. I told her I met Nekoy at a teaching seminar and that we talked a lot, but that there wasn't any romantic attraction, and I hadn't seen him since. I also described some dreams to her and the leftover feelings. The discussion was difficult, because re-thinking them bothered me.

When finished, I asked, "So, what do you think?"

"Rachel, Rachel, Rachel," she replied with a _what-am-I-going-to-do-with-you_ sound in her voice. I pictured her face saying it, because it wasn't the first time I heard it. "You've always taken your dreams _way_ too literally."

"I know. But they've always _literally_ bothered me _way_ too much. Now what do you think?"

"Nothing more than a classic case of cold feet." She determined, unconcerned. "Nekoy was probably hot. That's why he's appearing as the object of your insecurities."

I grimaced, disappointed in her answer.

"Was he?" She asked in curiosity.

"Be serious, Rebecca!" I chided, annoyed at her indifference. "I'm really worried about this."

"All right..." She giggled. "So ... You said you had no feelings for him. Think back. Did he have any feelings for you? I mean, did he pay you any special attention or treat you unusually kind, because there could be something lacking in your relationship with Paul that your subconscious thinks it could get from this other guy."

_Ugh! _The conversation wasn't helping. I rooted my suspicion that the dreams represented something weirder, to deep. "No, he didn't ... I bet you're right ... It's probably cold feet." I sulked, giving up.

She missed the entire point because I wasn't able to tell her the true story about the circumstances under which we met, like the fact he was a vampire that saved my life. Nor was I able to tell her the reality of Paul being a werewolf and me being his imprint which resulted in an unbreakable bond that should be too powerful for a simple dream to affect.

In a far more serious tone, Rebecca said, "Rachel, if you truly believe it's something more or you can't get past whatever's bothering you. Don't marry him. Not until you're irrefutably certain of your feelings for him."

"Good advice, but I am irrefutably certain of my feelings for Paul. It's the other feelings that are weirding me out."

"You could always ... look Nekoy up to make sure those feelings aren't real," she suggested, sounding hesitant of her words.

"Bad advice," I replied. "Not a good idea, at all."

"You're right. I knew it before it came all the way out of my mouth. Sorry I can't be more help to you, sister. I'm really glad you called me, though."

"Me too." Even though I took one step forward and two steps back. I was glad I called her. We talked for another half hour, before saying we loved each other and hanging up the phone.

After the conversation ended, I felt defeated and depressed regarding the parts of our discussion about Nekoy. I considered Rebecca's question about his behavior toward me. Did he treat me unusually kind or did he pay me any special attention, aside from protecting me?

_My empty stomach growled as I sat near him, mindless from exhaustion. I was so drained I didn't have the energy to eat._

"_You haven't eaten since you've been here_," he_ pointed out._ _"And you probably need to sleep, too."_

"_I don't think I can sleep." I had tried before, though, only for moments at a time. Sleep seemed impossible despite having been awake for over twenty-four hours. I was running on adrenaline._

"_You can drink some tea. It'll relax you."_

"_No. I better save it all for Kim. She needs it more than me."_

_When I opened my eyes, I realized I was lying on the mattress covered with two warm blankets, and Nekoy was sitting a few feet away from me. Stretching, I whispered, "How long was I out?"_

"_For a couple hours. You fell asleep beside me, so I carried you to the mattress. I wanted to make you comfortable. I was hoping you would sleep longer. You can. Nothing will happen to you if you do."_

"_I know that. It's just hard to sleep here," I explained, sitting up and wiping the sleep from my eyes._

I tried to distinguish whether his behavior was out of the ordinary, concluding that I could construe our conversations and interactions as platonic. Sure, he showed concern toward me, but isn't that just thoughtfulness?

_Look him up! _

I scoffed at the crazy, impractical idea of ever seeing Nekoy, again. It wasn't rational. Nor was it even possible. Or was it?

Before I knew it, I had my laptop out, and I was sitting at the kitchen table googling Golden, in British Columbia, Canada.

Someone touched me from behind. I screamed, jumping out of the chair and knocking the laptop from the table. Paul's arm shot out, clutching at it before it fell to the floor. "Sorry, babe, I wasn't being sneaky. You just didn't hear me come in."


	7. Visions

**Chapter 7**

_**Visions**_

The laptop snapped closed. "I hope I didn't mess anything up."

I caught my breath, swallowing, edgy. "You didn't. I was just killing time. Are you hungry?"

"Yep," he said, sitting down at the table and reopening the laptop.

Turning toward the kitchen countertop, I gathered my composure and started to reheat the cold spaghetti.

_Terrible lapse in judgment. _I scolded myself, wondering why I searched for the town. They were just pesky dreams. Nothing more, nothing less, and they had to go away, eventually. What did I think I would find, anyway? I didn't even know his last name.

I glanced over my shoulder, curious to know what held Paul's attention to the screen. I wasn't about to turn around and check, though. I continued to shuffle around the kitchen in apprehension. The high-pitched beep from the microwave signaled. I fixed him a plate. When I turned back toward him, he closed the laptop and pushed it to the center of the table. I set the plate down in front him, and he curled his arm around my waist, sliding me onto his lap. "You're quiet?"

I shrugged and cleared my throat. "I talked to Rebecca today."

"Wait a minute," he said, interrupting. He pressed his mouth to mine, kissing me long and soft until the uncomfortable vibe that lurked between us dissipated. It reaffirmed my hunch he sensed the gap between us sometimes. And he knew exactly how to close it. "That's better. Now what did Rebecca have to say?"

"Nothing interesting," I said, repositioning and straddling his lap for closeness. Paul and I belonged together and nothing or no one would ever change that. The amounts of love, adoration, and need for one another bound us _when I'm awake._ I shoved that thought out of my mind. "We just talked about the wedding and how much I'm looking forward to painting the vases."

"Speaking of the vases," he cut in with a funny look on his face.

"What about 'em?" I raised my eyebrow.

"Never mind," he smirked, glancing away.

We made it over to his garage, and all the painted vases looked beautiful. Twenty-five in various shapes and sizes, we planned to display them with preserved wild flowers at the wedding then give them away to guests at the reception.

My initial excitement collapsed when I realized I couldn't take any credit for the results because Paul did it all by himself. "They're all done." I frowned.

"Now you know why I took so long to get back to you today," he boasted, gazing at the vases in appreciation. "It was easy. What do think?"

"I love 'em, but I'd love 'em even more if you allowed me to paint some of them," I griped.

"Nah. You didn't need to inhale all of those poisonous-fumes," he declared with a protective father knows best attitude. "The paint fumes can get really heavy in the garage."

The guys had bad habits of treating us helpless sometimes. Paul tried to make sure he didn't act that way often, but occasionally he slipped up. I rolled my eyes, pouting. "I'm sure it would have been fine."

"If you only did a couple, maybe," he admitted, wiggling his eyebrows. He reached behind a shelf packed with supplies and pulled out the last few vases. "I knew this would be your reaction if I didn't let you help, so I saved you some."

Grinning, I shook my head in agreement happy to paint something.

The huge coveralls Paul handed me barely stayed up. I tied my hair up behind my head and slid on a paper respirator mask while he showed me how to use the spray-paint gun. I took about fifteen minutes to finish them. "That was too easy," I mumbled, disgruntled by the lack of effort needed.

"I told you. But as far as everyone else knows, we took hours." He winked. "And you don't have enough paint on you, either. Close your eyes," he said, pulling the mask up and over my nose and mouth. He tested the direction of the wind then stood behind me and squirted the gun in the air. The breeze caught some paint, blowing it back. I felt a cool mist of teeny tiny droplets land on my hair and skin. When I opened my eyes, Paul was examining me with a comical look on his face. I giggled. He pulled my respirator mask back down, so it was hanging around my neck and ran his finger over the nozzle of the paint gun. "Don't worry it comes off." He dabbed a smidgen of paint on my nose, cheek, and chin. Then stepped back and looked at me as if he was admiring a masterpiece. "There," he said, pleased with himself. "I'll remember this when Leah's around."

I laughed. "Okay. But I highly doubt we'll fool anyone."

"Maybe not, but at least we have an excuse to go swimming today."

I knew what he was referring, because I didn't care for swimming in the salty ocean. A small, secluded, warm spring hid beyond the borders of La Push, high in the wilderness of Olympic National Forest. He caught Jacob thinking about it one day. We scarcely went there because we promised Jake we'd keep it a secret from everyone else. I loved it.

"Right now? I don't have anything with me," I tugged off the coveralls, examining the sky.

Perfect. The clouds hung thick and low but not dark, so I was confident it wouldn't rain. A temperate and relaxing warm-spring was irresistible, and given the mild coldness in the air, I could already picture the fog of steam vapor rising from the water hole.

"No problem," he replied, yanking a duffle bag out from the back of the pickup truck. "I have everything we need right here."

All we took besides the duffle bag was a small nylon cooler with a few cans of orange soda and two large bottles of water. He also tossed in a bag of his family's homemade dried deer jerky for him and some other snacks for me. I didn't like the deer jerky because it tasted bloody and wild.

We drove on the shrinking dirt road into the forest, up into the mountains for nearly an hour before Paul pulled over in an isolated area. He parked way off to the side of the faded tire trail and carried me the rest of the way. When we arrived at the spring, I opened the duffle bag not too surprised by its limited content, towels and a small bottle of body wash. PauL grinned with satisfaction. "What more did we need?"

I wound my arms around his neck, running my fingers through the back of his hair as I pulled him close, parting my lips and tasting his mouth, slowly at first. His gentle hands moved beneath my cotton t-shirt, kneading my flesh. Our kiss deepened and with an agile flick of his thumb, the flat button of my jeans popped open. He guided them down below my thighs and past my knees with firm fingers. I stepped out of them while he redirected his attention to my stomach and my breasts with his hands, nibbling at the curve of my jaw. Tilting my neck, I offered him more of my skin while I ran my hands over the muscles on his shoulders, arms, back, and below. I lifted my arms, and he helped me out of my shirt. Shivering, I pressed my breasts against his chest, feeling the strong pounding of his heart as our mouths reunited. He growled, and I let out a sharp gasp of pleasure when he jerked my pelvis against him, holding me by my rear and lifting me up. I locked my legs around his torso as he carried me into the steaming pool of sparkling water.

Afterward, we cuddled on a flat-surfaced boulder outside of the spring, wrapped in the towels, soaking our legs and feet. Paul twirled my engagement ring between his fingers in silence, and a glint of seriousness emerged in his eyes. "Is everything okay with you?" he asked, using a calm and extra patient tone. "I know you're not having the terrible nightmares anymore, but you act different now ... really different, sometimes."

My heart sped up at the inquiry, and my voice froze for a breath. I kept my head down staring at our intertwined fingers and collecting my thoughts before attempting to explain. "I get that way because of the vampire dreams. The ones I've been having recently are irrational and sort of freaky. They make no sense, and it bothers me. Bothers me a lot ..."

I paused and waited, reluctant for him to ask me the questions I felt coming next. What exactly are the dreams and is the missing vampire part of them?

Instead, he placed his hand against my quickening heart as it bounced against my breastbone. I held my breath until he took it away. He stared at me for a moment with a thoughtful look in his eyes. Then his lips formed a thin smile that puzzled me. "At least you're not having the nightmares anymore."

He sighed, putting his arm around me and resting his head against mine. He had stopped himself from asking any more questions on my account.

"Yes, and the rest of the dreams will go away too, soon, I'm sure," I said, stumbling to get the words out of my mouth as I calmed down.

"Anyway, Jacob and Sam went to another sweat ceremony today," he remarked. "We think they'll have better luck now, because they're fasting the twenty-four hours before sweating like they _should_ have been doing all along."

Better luck finding Nekoy, he meant. Curiosity about the ceremony piqued my interest. Preoccupied when Billy first brought it up, I didn't think to ask questions. But since everyone seemed so sure it would provide real results, I thought I should know more about it. "What's the ceremony like? I've seen the tent, but what's it like inside?"

"Hot!"

"Duh," I mocked, nudging him in the side with my elbow. "Everyone knows that."

He chuckled. "What do you want to know about it?"

"I want to know what Jacob and Sam said about it."

"Billy never told you?" he asked, surprised.

"He did. I just didn't pay attention before. I guess I should have."

He shrugged. "All right, I'll tell you what I've seen. Let's see. It's kind of hard to explain." He reflected a little before continuing to describe the process. "There's a certain way that everything is done. Do you want to know the entire process?"

"Uh huh, unless you don't want to tell me or you can't tell me."

"It's not a secret. Okay. Well, inside the canvas tent there's a shallow pit used to stack glowing stones. The Fire Tender heats the stones, red-hot, in the sacred fire that burns outside the tent. Quil is usually the one that takes care of this, but he doesn't sit in on the sweats. The heating of the stones awakens the stone peoples spirits. When the stones are ready, they use heavy metal to carry the stone to the pit, add water, and sweat."

"That's not all of it. Tell me the details. I want to hear how they have the visions."

"It isn't easy. In fact, it's super tough to get a vision. That's why a person must purify themselves by fasting and even then, they smudge with sweet grass, sage, or cedar to cleanse the spirit wholly, prior to even being granted entry of the sweat. Once those invited to attend, smudge, they enter the tent in a specific order and sit around the pit. They pass the tobacco pipe and say prayers. Then the Sweat Leader, usually Old Quil, calls for the red-hot stones. They bring the stones to him and he places them in the pit, one for each direction; North, South, East and West. At that point, he can add additional stones for specific purposes or individuals. Lately that's you and Kim, four to seven stones," he explained. "Someone seals the door flap making it dark and hot. The Sweat Leader sounds the water drum, calling the spirit guides from all four directions. He pours a dip of water on the stones, one dip for each direction. It sets off loads of steam. He'll continue to pour scoops of water until the spirits tell him to stop. It's amazing, actually."

"Sounds like it."

"After that, they sit in the heat, praying and meditating. As the steam rises, the worthy individuals can receive messages or visions from the spirit world, but a person has to withstand the heat, first, for that to happen."

"Why haven't you done it?"

He smirked. "Cause of the No Sex rule."

I rolled my eyes.

He laughed. "For real though. So, from what I've seen of Jacob and Sam's experiences, neither of them have been able to make it through all four rounds of the sweat. But they're getting better. It's tough enough to sit through it, and it gets harder when you're already deprived and dehydrated from fasting. We feel like one of them will see something soon though, or all of them will see something soon."

"What do they see?"

"Whatever the spirits want them to see," Paul said, lowering his eyes in consideration. "Hopefully, a clue to where we can find the missing vampire."

A quiver coursed through me. I sunk myself against him further as I contemplated whether it would really happen. The traditions and legends of our people were no longer doubted. Still, I thought perhaps the spirits knew that Nekoy wasn't evil and wouldn't reveal his location.

* * *

Paul dropped me off at home, promising to come back after he took the truck back to his house and ran another patrol. Tired from the long drive, I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

_The soft howl of a wolf called my name, waking me from a light, restless sleep. I thought the wolf was Paul, so I climbed out of bed. I wrapped a blanket around myself and, without thinking, drifted outside to trail the call._ _When I neared the trees, I spotted a small black object tussling with a tree branch overhead._

_Something about the way it was moving caught my attention. Feeling its loneliness, I couldn't look away. The object expanded its lengthy arms to grab a hold of another branch, letting out a wild screech. It was bat. It moved about the tree as if it was searching for something._

_When it spied me watching, it soared away, but it returned a moment later, settling on a low-level branch, observing me. Suddenly, it lunged in my direction. I curled my arms up, over my head and sprinted toward he howls. Tripping and falling to the ground, frantic, I swung my arms, trying to swat the bat away._

_When I looked again, it disappeared. A little white canary flew in its place. I rose to my feet and held my hand out to it. It fluttered its tiny spectacular wings as elegantly as an angel. Dancing toward me, the dainty white canary landed without fear, perching on my index finger. Snowy bright. It had the purest eyes I'd ever seen. I was awe-struck by its beauty. Then the canary spread its wings and soared back into the air, circling around me a few times. There was a hint of a fluorescing-lime glimmer, bouncing off its feathers, reminding me of a firefly. It swooped near me once more, telling me I was dreaming before flying out of sight, flickering like a star._

_Upon that realization, lucidity took over, and in what had practically become a habit, Nekoy popped into my mind. I automatically whispered his name. Once again, I was standing in the vacant building as he appeared._

"_Is everything okay?" He looked surprised and sounded concerned._

_I noticed the lucid dream ambiance differed quite a lot, from the other dreams, because even though, I dreamt of his naked body before, his lack of dress caught me off guard. It was normal for Paul and the others not to wear shirts but seemed inappropriate for Nekoy in this moment. Scenes from my other dreams flashed through my mind._

It's just a dream.

"_I don't know if I'm okay. I was just thinking about you and wondering where you are now."_

"_I'll tell you where I am, but first, you need to go somewhere else this time."_

_He gave me the impression that, he too, knew I was dreaming, an impossible concept to be sure._

_Complete consciousness allowed coherent thoughts to flow through my mind, and I understood what he was asking of me. "Will you be there?"_

"_It's up to you."_

_I let my imagination carry me away, finding myself standing by the warm spring from earlier with Paul. The scent of steamy water and forest permeated the air and untamed sounds resonated through the woods. I wrapped my arms around myself to combat the mild air tickling my skin._

_Nekoy stood beside me, viewing the surroundings with a pleased look of approval._

"_I knew you could remove yourself from that place if you really wanted to. I'm living in Chetwyd, British Columbia," he announced._

"_Chetwynd?"_

The sound of Paul's ruffled voice drew me back to reality, cloudy headed.

"Did you hear me? Jacob had one!"


	8. Questions and Doubts

**Chapter 8**

**_Questions and Doubts_**

I rubbed my face and neck, stretching as I sat up. "What did he see?" I asked in a soft voice, unsure of whether I heard him correctly. Reaching for the table lamp, I turned on the light.

Paul did _not_ look happy. "We're not sure what it means. Let me take a quick shower first," he said, stepping out of his cut off jeans and drifting into the bathroom.

I needed those few minutes to comprehend his words. A wave of fear swelled within me. Fear for my long-held secret, fear for Nekoy, and fear that I couldn't hide the fear from Paul. I closed my eyes, breathing in and out meditatively, telling myself there was nothing to be afraid of and not to jump to any conclusions. He said they didn't know what it meant.

By the time Paul finished taking a shower, I felt prepared to hear the story.

"He saw some kind of conference room and some business suits sitting around a table," Paul said, climbing into bed. "The images of the people around the table weren't clear, but he felt like they were vampires. The only words he could make out were '_pack of werewolves.'_"

"But did he see the missing vampire?" I anxiously choked.

"Not exactly."

Relaxing, I slouched.

"There was another barely visible figure in the shadows of some bookcases though. The vision moved Jacob to notice the figure, which means the figure is part of the answer." Paul leaned closer, reaching for me. I slid myself over to him. "Billy said this is just the start. The more Jacob ponders the vision, the clearer it will become and the more sense it'll make. We're eager to see if it will make a difference with all of us pondering the vision. You have goose bumps. Are you cold?" he suddenly asked, squishing his eyebrows together.

"A little," I muttered, laying myself on his arm and pressing my body up against him. "That sounds vague. It could mean practically anything."

"The sweats are for you and Kim, so the vision has to have something to do with you two. Also meaning, it has something to do with the missing vampire. The problem is—we don't know if it's a past occurrence or future event. What we know is that it's important because it's what the spirits _wanted_ him to see."

"That's good then," I whispered, making sure my voice sounded pleased.

After listening to Paul, I wondered how Jacob's vision concerned Nekoy and for the first-time doubt of his goodness crossed my mind. Perhaps they were right about Nekoy. I shuddered at the thought I had possibly been wrong all along.

Paul gripped me tighter. "Don't let it scare you. This just means we're getting closer to stopping all this, and it's about time. Anyway, Jake and Billy want to talk to you about it. Jake said to tell you they'd be here early tomorrow morning, because they're going out fishing after that. Do you want me here when they come by?"

"Um hum."

"I figured you would. You know what that means?"

"What?"

"It means I'll need to leave extra early, go all the way home to get the pickup, drive back, and pretend I just got here. How stupid is that?" he grumbled, rolling his eyes and pursing his lips.

I grinned. "It is stupid. Look on the bright side though, since you learned how to leave early, you've been able to be here practically every night."

"Yeah and that's been fun," he chuckled, smiling my favorite smile. The one that revealed the tiny little dimple I couldn't help but kiss, immediately changing the subject entirely. It never took much to rouse Paul, and during the time of the month when it was possible for me to conceive, as was now, he was even more sensitive to the slightest of my touches.

He was an amazing lover. The pack members, who were sexually knowledgeable, innocently passed on tips and tricks to one another; it was a major benefit, but being thoroughly sated earlier, and a little bit achy, I couldn't summon the energy. We girls simply didn't have their supernatural stamina. At the same time, I would never leave him in discomfort and in need. Softly stroking my fingertips down the middle of his chest and abdomen as I drew his tongue further into my mouth, I slipped my hand beneath the blankets.

When I replaced my hand with my mouth, the sound of his moans sent a rush of sensation directly to my center. It was extremely sexy just knowing the amount of gratification I gave him, and it almost made me forget my tiredness, but I decided not to interrupt his pleasure. Times like this, what I considered to be a compromise, he considered to be a treat.

He later loved me back by giving me a gentle body massage to help relax me back to sleep. This time, it was no use, and he fell asleep before I did. I lay with my eyes closed, cradled into Paul's strong, sultry body. I tried concentrating on the comfort of his heavy restful breaths as they tousled strands of my hair, faintly tickling the back of my neck. Jake's vision, Nekoy, and Chetwynd, British Columbia, kept interfering with my peace.

First, I had no clue what Jacob's vision could mean. The thought of a strange figure and vampires discussing something that may concern me and some future event horrified me. Then again, if it were a past event, how would it be of any significance now?

Second, I never ever heard of Chetwynd, British Columbia so why would I invent it in _my_ dream? Unless I had seen it when I was googling Golden earlier in the afternoon, which seemed probable but felt unlikely because I was sure I would have remembered it. I flopped the other direction, shimmying away from Paul and flipped my pillow to the cool side. No flipping way would I make the mistake of taking my laptop out again to double check. Although, confirming the existence of Chetwynd was a much better reason to investigate than finding out whether it was possible to locate Nekoy. I flopped in the bed again, cradled myself back against Paul, and ruled against it.

Last, and most troubling of all, was the idea that I may have been wrong about Nekoy. If the shadow figure was him, what was he doing talking about a pack of werewolves with a room full of vampires? Was he literally as dangerous as the pack believed he was?

I thought back, wondering if he had fooled me.

_I sifted through the boxes of food and supplies left on the long wooden table while Nekoy flipped through a pile of magazines. I found a deck of cards, and a five-thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle with a difficult rainforest landscape._

_"Wow. They really are planning on keeping us here a week, aren't they?" I muttered to myself, pulling the puzzle from the box. "I might as well try it."_

_I cleared off the table in front of me, sat down, and poured the jigsaw puzzle contents out on it. Nekoy took the other chair. "Do you mind if I help?"_

_"Not at all," I shrugged._

_We worked on the puzzle for about thirty minutes and I had a pleasant size picture going. Nekoy struggled to find any matches. I caught him trying to force two obviously un-fitting pieces together with a hard look of concentration. I couldn't help but snicker. _

_He looked up and smiled with an expression that I thought would have been a blush if he had had any blood running through his veins. "I'm color blind," he explained, grinning._

_"Really?"_

_He let out a subtle laugh. "No. I just haven't any patience. You would think after all these years, huh?"_

_His eyes met mine in such a non-threatening, friendly manner. I grasped how lucky we were that he had changed his mind about leaving when he did. I asked, "You were leaving, what made you come along?"_

_His eyebrows shot up briefly. It appeared he had to give his answer some thought. "Your terrified face. You looked like you needed my help." He propped himself on the table with his elbow, resting his jaw on his fist, looking nowhere. "I trusted nothing that he said, especially after the way he had said nobody would be harmed. Plus, I was reluctant to leave Tony behind."_

_He got quiet for a second then added, "I considered taking you away right then. Knowing there would be other human captives, though, made it difficult to walk away. There really wasn't much time to think it over."_

_"Thank you for that," I said, feeling overwhelmed with gratitude._

_He nodded his head but seemed at a loss for words._

_"Tell me a little about Tony," I asked._

_"Tony's family lives in the mountains of the Sinai Peninsula in Egypt. The hunting's not all that satisfying, but it allows them to keep themselves covered without suspicion. I've known them for a very long time. They're the nearest thing to a family I have because they share my value for the human life. Tony is a young victim. He has only been a vampire for fifty years. He was the son of an archaeologist attacked by a nomad. His family coven happened upon the attempted murder and stopped the nomad from killing him. He's good, but he's naive and restless._

_"I prefer solitude, so this was the first time I've ever allowed someone to travel with me. We had heard stories of a giant coven somewhere up here. An entire town filled with vampires, living undetected right here in the USA. It was intriguing, but more than likely, it's nothing more than a rumor. When Tony found out I planned on traveling through here to Canada, he begged me to let him tag along. Did you ever hear anything of a giant coven in this area?"_

_"Not a giant coven. There was a decent size family around here for a while. They had lots of vampire friends who came to the area for a brief stay."_

_"Hmm, that's probably how the rumor started," he concluded. He changed the subject, asking, "Do you play cards?"_

My memory of him and I playing two handed whist brought me perspective. I replayed his warm, friendly smile in my mind, reviewed the trustworthiness and honesty in his eyes, reheard the sincerity of his voice, and re-felt the safety that his presence emanated-reconfirming that they were all wrong. I was the only person who spent time with him, so I was the only person who knew that he wouldn't harm any human being. I sighed, irritated with myself for doubting his integrity. My gut told me Jacob's vision meant something else.

Nearing the early light, I finally fell into a quiet sound sleep, hardly recalling when Paul crawled out of bed, softly kissing me on the cheek and saying I love you as he left.

I floated back to sleep, until my cell phone vibrated, jumping subtly against my nightstand. It was a text from Paul.

R they there yet? B there ASAP** Paul

I smiled at Paul's willingness to go out of his way just to please Billy and sent a text back.

No, and I luv u** Rachel.

Luv u 2. Btw, what's with morning star? ** Paul.

?** Rachel.

U were saying it in ur sleep** Paul.

Don't know.** Rachel.

Ok babe** Paul.

_Morning star? _I mused as I climbed out of bed.

Paul arrived at the same time as Billy and Jacob. I knew we weren't fooling Jacob. He didn't care, anyway, and I got the impression that we weren't fooling Billy either. But something told me he didn't mind as long as we were attempting to fool the rest of the community members.

When I sat down across from Jacob and Billy, Paul protectively pulled me close to him. It reminded me that I had falsely given him the notion that Jacob always made me feel bad. I stiffened uncomfortably and lowered my head to hide the warmth that accumulated in my face.

"The descriptions of the businesspeople weren't really clear, but there was a blond-haired guy. A guy with inky hair slicked back into a short ponytail and one may have been a female. I'm not sure. The vision didn't show them for very long. It mainly showed the hidden figure in the shadows, and that figure was almost transparent. The words _pack of werewolves_ was also very distinct. The spirits wanted me to hear those words. Does any of this mean anything to you?" Jacob questioned without taking a breath.

"The one named Thomas wore a suit. He had short blond hair and acted like a businessman. George had black hair, but it was curly, not long. He spoke with an accent. I never looked closely at the rest of them," I replied, happy to answer Jake's questions honestly. I wanted to figure out the vision just as much as they did.

"How about females? Were there any females that might have left before Seth got there?"

"I never saw or heard any."

Everyone seemed disappointed in my answers. Considering the vague descriptions, they gave me, I could do nothing about that. "Sorry. I'll keep trying to remember if I saw anyone fitting those other descriptions." I already knew I didn't, but I wanted to say something positive to pacify Jacob's disappointed expression.

"Ah, don't worry about it. We figured out who took you both and how to get to you back with less to go on than this. I'm sure we'll figure this out too," Jake said, cheering up at the realization.

"Jacob," Paul brought up, "we know there wasn't a conference room in that building either. Since she didn't see anyone else fitting those other descriptions, and the vampires weren't the Romanians, I hope to hell it isn't a future event."

"Same," Jacob said, in deliberation. "But it could be a past event when they were first making plans to abduct the girls, talking about convincing a _pack of werewolves_ to help them."

Paul nodded. "Either way though, I'm betting the figure by the bookcase is who we're looking for. It's him!"

I winced inside; certain he was wrong.

"Sometimes the vision doesn't come clear until you are closer to an event. Then something will happen, or you'll see something, triggering the meaning. A light will turn on in your head and you'll know the answer," Billy chimed in optimistically, turning to Jacob. "You just need to keep meditating on it, son. Have a lot of patience with a little faith. We'll figure it out. The major thing is… you had the vision."

"Just to be safe we will double up on patrols and put more tails on the girls. Okay with you, Rachel?" Jacob asked, observing me closely.

I nodded willingly. Even though I was sure Nekoy wouldn't attempt to get to me now and didn't play a part in planning the taking of us the last time, the vision concerned me. I never wanted to come face to face with a deadly monster again.

"All of us girls are going to Port Angeles today to pick up our dresses," I reminded both Paul and Jacob.

"I know. I thought having Leah and Journey along would be enough, but now I'm not so sure," Jacob said, sighing. "Guess I can't go fishing with you today, Dad."

"I'll go with them to Port Angeles." Paul squeezed my hand. "I can skip work today."

"I'll go talk to Sam to find out what Kim said," Jacob said, standing up to leave. "Us guys are going for our tuxes tomorrow. I don't know what the big deal is if we all went together, today. Who cares if we see the stupid dresses," Jacob snapped, making a sour face. "People always make things harder than they are," he grumbled before peeking back inside with an afterthought. "Wait for me to call with plans. We're all going today. Leah will just have to suck it up!"

"Jeez for someone who claims he's never bossy," I quietly jeered, rolling my eyes.

After they left, I got dressed and Paul took me to the post office. I hadn't checked my mail in over a week. While I pulled an enormous stack of mail, mostly junk, out of my box, I glanced out the window. Paul waved to me from the truck.

"How's Rachel doing today?" Helen, the postmistress asked. She was a plump little lady with shiny chubby cheeks and laughing eyes. She wore her thick, white hair tied up neatly in an over-sized bun. She always reminded me of a brown Mrs. Santa Claus. "I thought I would have to open another box for you."

"Sorry about that, Helen. I'm fine. How are you?"

"Great. With all the wonderful technology, the job just keeps getting easier and easier," she said, busily tossing letters into mail slots.

"Helen, you've been here how long now? I know it's been longer than I can remember."

"Forty years, thank you very much," she replied with a smile, approaching the counter. "Don't know how much longer I'll last though."

"You wouldn't know of a town called Chetwynd in British Columbia, Canada, would you?"

"Chetwynd, BC," she repeated, dropping her gaze, as she fiddled with something below the counter. "5116 Fiftieth St. Voc 1J0. Population 2500, located at the foothills of the Canadian Rockies."

"What was that?" I asked, astounded as I glanced out the window at Paul, waving to him again while I sorted through my mail, getting rid of all the junk.

"It's the Chetwynd PO address. I told you with this technology all it takes is a few keystrokes. Do you know someone there?"

"Someone told me my friend lives there. Only I don't have an address or a phone number," I explained, knowing what I said was ridiculous.

"In a town that small, everyone knows everyone just as I know everyone here. All you have to do is address it General Delivery. It'll get to where it's going. Trust me. Do you want the Post office address?" she said, scribbling it down on a small notepad.

My face instantly heated, ashamed for asking, let alone continuing to think about Nekoy and Chetwynd. "No thanks. I better get going. Paul's waiting."

"Too late!" she smiled, tearing off the piece of paper and handing it across the counter to me. I hesitated for a second, then quickly grabbed the paper and stuffed it into my coat pocket, telling myself I was only being polite for her trouble. It wasn't like I'd ever REALLY try to contact him. I laughed inside, shaking my head at myself and my absurdity as I climbed inside the truck with my wonderfully perfect Paul.


	9. Tormented

**A/N, **_I realized after I posted chapter 8 that I accidentally posted a teen friendlier version of chapter 8 on accident, so you may want to double check to see if you read the corrected Mature version. Sorry about that. Happy Reading! _

**Chapter 9**

_**Tormented**_

Journey showed up to ride with Paul and I to Port Angeles, at Jacob's instruction. Her happiness faded when she found out Seth would too. Brady arrived a few minutes later, and he soured at learning he'd be riding in the backseat with Seth and Journey.

An awkward tension strained the air as we all waited for Seth.

Paul waltzed around the house with a devilish smirk at the angry scowls both Journey and Brady wore as they sat in silence on opposite ends of the couch. I called him into the bedroom to find out what was going on.

"Just your typical love triangle," he taunted, his belly rumbling with suffocated laughter. "There's always got to be one, right?"

"Let me in on the joke," I demanded, eager to hear the gossip.

"Journey likes Seth, but she tries to deny it. Brady likes Journey, but he knows she likes Seth, so he doesn't like to be around them. And Seth… well, he likes all kinds of other girls, and that pisses both of them off." Paul snorted, tapering his laugh. "Seth just doesn't know how to shut up about who he has the hots for."

"I thought she had a crush on Seth, but I had no clue that Brady had one on her."

"Yep. Journey won't run patrols with Seth, because she doesn't want him to know what she's thinking. She always tries to run them with Brady, because she thinks they're friends. Brady doesn't want to hear how she feels about Seth or for her to hear how he feels about her, so he purposely avoids her. It's a good thing there's a lot of us now, or they wouldn't have the luxury to choose who they run patrols with. Sam gives them their way." He sighed. "None of us want the drama. Been there, done that."

We heard a knock at the door and walked back into the living room. Seth strolled inside with the most guiltless and cheerful expression. The vicious looks thrown at him from Brady and Journey completely took him by surprise. He halted in his tracks; his face frozen like he'd just appeared before a firing squad.

Paul couldn't help himself and burst with laughter. Everyone, including myself, jerked our heads in his direction, glaring at him.

"What I do?" Seth asked innocently.

"You did nothing, Seth. Let's go. We'll be late," I said, chastising Paul with my eyes.

Seth and Brady were the only guys from our group who needed tuxes, so Paul dropped them off at Fiancée with the rest of the bridal party. Journey and I went a little further up the way to the place where I bought my dress. She couldn't find one she liked by herself and wanted my help. "I wish Seth didn't have to ride with us." she grumbled as we walked into the boutique.

"Why? What's got you so mad at him?" I asked, pretending not to know anything.

We started searching through the dress racks. "He's just so irritating," she complained. "He thinks he has to have a girlfriend in every town within a fifty-mile radius. Chauvinist douche."

I chuckled under my breath, handing her a dress. "Here, try this one." I picked up a few more cute dresses and followed her to the dressing rooms. When she shut the door, I said. "He is very good looking, and his outgoing personality makes him a popular guy."

"I'm serious, Rachel, and Brady knows it's not right. That's why he's so grumpy when Seth's around."

"Maybe Brady's just grumpy when Seth's around you," I suggested.

Silence ensued while she dressed, then she replied, "No. That's not it. We're buds. He's one of my best friends at school." She sauntered out of the dressing room to show me the dress she was wearing and remarked, "I don't like the color. It's too dull." It was pale-blue satin, and I agreed the color didn't suit her.

I handed her another one. "Brady might not want to be _just_ your bud."

"Trust me, Rachel. I know him better than anyone, and he only thinks of me as a friend."

"If you say so," I said, considering why it was always so hard for people to see who was standing right in front of them.

She tried on about four more dresses before we checked out another shop.

What the guys thought would be a quick trip to Port Angeles turned out to be an all-day event. Sam, Paul, and Jared went to the video arcade a few doors down from the dress shop where Journey and I met up with Kim and Emily. Jacob and River were sitting on a bench outside the bridal shop, waiting for Leah and Raven. Seth, Brady, and Collin disappeared somewhere up the street.

Journey found a perfect form-fitting, strapless, thigh-high dress. The color was a subtle, bright green that looked gorgeous up against her dark skin. She came out of the dressing room wearing the dress and stilettos at the same time that Seth, Brady, and Collin glided through the glass doors, looking for the other guys.

It was the second time I saw Seth's face freeze wide-eyed, only this time his mouth gaped open. Brady saw it too. He flinched, rolled his eyes, and spun around, straight out the door. It felt like someone gave me a quick jab in the chest. My heart hurt for him. I've always had a soft spot for the underdog, or in this case the under "_wolf."_

As if the day couldn't get any longer, we girls had to meet back at my house to finish up the flower arrangements. We only had two days left before Leah's wedding.

Journey, Kim, and I got there first. A few minutes later Emily, Leah, and Raven arrived. They brought an array of wildflowers with them. Mercy had taught us how to dry and preserve the flower bouquets, and we already put together several dried arrangements for the occasion, but we also wanted a mixture of fresh wildflowers displayed in the real-wood planters I found online.

We attached assorted flowers together and tried out unique combinations and various color schemes while we chatted about what we dreamed for our own weddings. During our discussions, we ended up in a conversation about the difficulties of being imprints. Nobody was complaining; however, there were some concerns mentioned, and one rose above the rest.

"Does anyone worry about the fact that the guys aren't aging, but we are?" Kim asked, gazing around the room at the rest of us. An uncomfortable silence followed. "Oh, come on now. I can't be the only one that thinks about it."

I saw Leah and Journey glance at each other. They were on the fortunate side of the dilemma. Emily pursed her lips and continued to focus on her flower arrangement. I got the impression that she didn't want to talk about it for whatever reason.

Raven cleared her throat and replied, "I can honestly say that I haven't given it much thought. Actually… I haven't given it any thought, although I'm sure I will now." She let out a little laugh.

Kim turned toward me, waiting for my answer. "The thought crossed my mind a time or two," I confessed. "But I haven't had time to decide how I feel about it or what to even do about it." The few times it crossed my mind, I had thought that would be kind of hot, especially when we became middle-aged, and he still had the body of a sexy twenty-five-year-old. "I guess I didn't think we needed to worry." I shrugged.

"I'm not trying to start any trouble," Kim said earnestly. "I just… It really bothers me, and I wanted to see how the rest of you were handling it. Think about it. We will keep getting older and older, and the guys will stay young and handsome for as long as they want. How's that even going to work? What will happen when we're sixty and they look like they're in their twenties? Worse yet, what if they stop loving us altogether when we can't have children anymore? How long they love us may not be up to them. Imprinting happens for the offspring, remember…"

"They're supposed to love us forever according to the legend," I reminded her, realizing the legend said imprinting was rare. The legends also never accounted for Leah and Journey. The Third Wife legend popped into my mind, and I realized; he was on his _third_ wife.

Questions rolled in dauntingly, making themselves right at home. Would they put us away, imprinting on another to expand their bloodlines further? Sure, they would always love us and take care of us when we got old, but would we remain their one and only? Back in the old days, it was not uncommon for the men of the tribe to have more than one wife.

Kim was right! We didn't know enough about the entire imprinting phenomenon. We only knew the way our connections felt and what the elders had been told, and they were just as surprised as anyone when Sam imprinted on Emily. The first time Leah phased, Billy and Old Quil admitted they did not know everything about our werewolf ancestors and had much to learn.

As stringent as our oral historians' practices were, it was sad to say that our stories were not one-hundred percent accurate or complete. Words became lost or changed during that black period in our history when the US government began its policy of integrating our people into the American society.

At any rate, we were all just going along with the flow as happy as clams.

Paul and I had never talked about it before either. Considering Kim's comments though, I was positive we'd be talking about it soon. Very soon.

Everyone lowered their heads, and the feeling in the room changed from enthusiastic excitement to gloom and doom.

"Come on girls," Leah finally said. "No one has to keep phasing if they don't want to, remember?"

"That's easy for you to say, Leah. I'm sure River won't mind being with a hot twenty-something year-old when he's sixty. Guys are different. They can keep having children for who knows how long," Raven chimed in, irritated, letting us all know the concern hit her—and hit her hard.

"But what if they want to keep phasing?" Kim asked worriedly. "That's what I'm talking about."

"Have you talked to Jared about this, Kim?" Leah asked with sympathy.

"No. I don't want to bother him with my worries. Anyhow, the thought never crosses my mind when we're together," Kim replied.

"I know what you mean," I empathized, acknowledging that my concerns usually melted away as well when I was with Paul.

Raven also nodded her head in agreement.

"If it bothers you that much, I'm sure Jared would want to hear about it," Leah determined.

"I'm sure he would," Kim stated sharply, and in a manner that gave me the feeling she still didn't plan to bring it up to him.

"I'll bring it up to Jacob," Raven decisively volunteered. "He could tell everyone else what we're worried about." I smiled at her straightforward; she reminded me of Rebecca that way.

Emily exhaled loudly. "All right, everyone, even though this is a personal matter for each couple _to discuss_—" she stressed with a bit of a scold in her tone as her gaze met Kim's then drifted to the rest of us—"and Sam wouldn't want me speaking for any of the guys, I'll weigh in.

"We know if they can stop phasing, they'll start aging. Our guys have learned to control that well already. They will only get better. And Sam and I _have_ discussed it. If I asked him to stop, he would. At least, he'd give it a damn good try. They need him, so I don't want him to stop. But we decided that we _will_ revisit the issue further down the road and decide together."

Emily looked at Kim, her expression as caring as a mother comforting her daughter. "I know Jared feels the same way about you as Sam does about me. I'm convinced that he'll stop when you want him to. The same goes for Jacob and Paul," she said to me and Raven without the slightest bit of doubt in her tone or appearance.

"And look at the bright side everyone," Journey added in a cheerful tone. "There's so many of us now, and maybe more to come later. I'm sure we could handle letting a few of the old men off the hook when you're all ready for that."

The corners of Kim's mouth turned up, openly relieved. "Thanks guys. I'm glad I brought it up, otherwise I would have continued to worry in silence."

I saw Raven take a deep breath, satisfied with Emily's encouraging words and Journey's supportive declaration. I know I was, although I still intended to get Paul's point of view on the matter.

After the girls left, I cleaned up the mess that remained from all the crumbling leaves, petals, and twigs that somehow spread themselves around, apartment wide. I almost finished when Paul came through the door. "Whoa! You look tired," he said, taking the vacuum cleaner away from me. "It's clean enough."

"I am tired. I didn't get much sleep last night and today ended up being a really, really, really busy day." I plunged myself on the couch and stretched out comfortably. "We're almost done with everything, though. All that's left is decorating the ballroom at the resort and decorating the flat the morning of the wedding. I'm not responsible for any decorating, so I feel great."

Paul stretched out on the carpet below me for a few minutes, then asked, "What's this?"

Partially sitting up, I turned to see Paul reaching for something beneath the couch's arm where my sweater was laying. I startled and my eyes hit the pocket holding the Chetwynd address.

I watched, in trepidation, as he brought out the notebook, and I recognized my dream journal again. "Oh." I rolled my eyes at myself. "That's just a journal I used to write in when I was growing up. Jacob found it. I've been meaning to go through it, but I keep forgetting."

"Yeah?" Paul raised his eyebrows curiously.

"Look inside. Jake did. Keep in mind, though, I was only in grade school when I wrote in it."

I lay back and closed my eyes while Paul began flipping through the pages.

After several moments, he asked, "Did you realize how many dreams you had about wolves in here?"

"No, I didn't," I said, opening my eyes and crawling from the couch to lie beside him.

"It's nightmare after nightmare." He held the notebook in front of both our faces. "That's kind of strange. You think?"

"Not really. Maybe I was just dreaming about the legends. I'm sure Billy was always going on about wolves when I was growing up. Wolves scared me."

Paul's forehead wrinkled and looking disturbed, he sat up.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I don't know… I guess it bothers me that as a little girl, wolves terrified of you."

"I didn't say they 'terrified' me."

He flipped through the first few pages, pointing to several passages that included the word "terrified." I shook my head at his exaggeration, admitting that it was more than a bit ironic, but I didn't think it was anything for us to dwell on. I sat up and took the notebook from his hand. "And look at me now—with so many of them watching over me." I pushed him back down and draped myself over him. As I was feather kissing parts of his neck, face, and ears, I casually brought up, "Guess what we girls talked about today?"

"What?" He asked in a sulking tone, remaining troubled by the contents of my journal.

"We were talking about how someday when I grow so old and saggy, you're not even going to want me anymore." I combed over his face with my eyes as I finished my statement.

His eyebrows lifted wide. "What?" he repeated, lifting the end of the word, and sounding far more interested in what I had to say than a second ago.

"We were just wondering what will happen when we girls get old, you know? Decrepit, and you all stay the same age… Wondering if you'll stay bound to us when we're done having children and they're all grown?"

He gave me his _are-you-kidding-me_ look. "We will! Nothing will happen."

I gazed deep into his eyes and quietly asked with emphasis, "How do _you_ _know_?"

"Because… I won't stay the same age. Believe me. I'll be rocking right beside you when we're old and probably be more wrinkled than you."

I smiled, seeing the truth written all over his face. I was an idiot for even revisiting the subject. I understood precisely what Kim meant to express when she told us she didn't remember the concern while she was with Jared. Uncertainty could only rear its ugly head when we weren't in the other's physical presence and couldn't feel the love and commitment, they held for us.

"That's what Emily said, but you'd have to stop phasing first."

"I won't be doing that until I make sure you're safe. After that, I'm all yours. All you got to do is ask. Hell, you won't even have to ask."

* * *

The scariest dreams are the dreams you have about dreaming.

I habitually kept the alarm clock on a nightstand across the room, directly under the light switch, to ensure that I didn't just reach over, turn it off, and fall back to sleep. Once I was out of bed, I would turn the light on before lying back down for about fifteen minutes, until I fully woke.

_The alarm clock rang out annoyingly, waking me from another strange dream about Nekoy. As usual, I scrambled out of bed, staggering across the room to turn it off. I was about to switch the light on when I realized that school was out, and I didn't need to be up at six-thirty am. I turned back toward the bed and focused on the dark lumpy shadow of my blankets, all piled up invitingly. I moved toward them groggily and dropped myself on top of the alluring heap._

_The flinch of a living mound wriggled beneath me. I thrashed, spasming in horror as the thing wailed in my ear in the voice of a crying baby. Trying to scream, I fought to get away…_

Suddenly, the alarm clock cried out, ripping me from the horrible nightmare. I popped out of bed, dawdled to the light switch, and turned it on. I peered back at the bundle of blankets again, shaking my head and deciding not to lie back down this time.

The closed door gave me an odd feeling. Turning its handle, I found it locked from the other side. The hairs on my neck and arms stood on end. _Paul?_ I hollered for him and heard him clumping rapidly down the hallway, but when he reached the door, he stopped. I knew he was standing right on the other side, but he wouldn't answer me or open the door to let me out.

My body stiffened as a deep growl rolled through me from behind. I spun toward the bed and spotted the blanket-covered figure again. Its dark-silver and gray fur protruding as it rose, growing along with its animalistic rumbling. Saliva drenched snarls pierced my soul when the predator's starved eyes reflected murder. Terror exploded inside me. I pounded on the door hysterically, screaming for help.

I felt Paul's hands on my wrists, shaking me. "Stop, Rachel. It's me! Babe, please stop!"

The echo of my screaming voice hung in my ears as I opened my eyes. I was in his arms, my fists balled tightly, and my face wet with tears and sweat. We had fallen asleep on the living room carpet.

"What happened?" he blurted; his expression visibly horrified. "You wouldn't let me touch you. You were screaming in your nightmare, and fighting, and I couldn't wake you up!"

"It was more like a night terror. I'm sure that was the worse dream I've ever had in my entire life," I squeaked. My throat felt strained and my voice, raspy. "And that is saying a lot. I couldn't wake up because I thought I was already awake."

He lifted me from the carpet, burying his face between my neck and shoulder, and squeezed me firmly. "You were like someone possessed. You terrified me, babe," he murmured into my ear as he sat us down on the loveseat. His heart was pounding hard against my chest, just as forceful and erratic as my own.

"I'm so sorry." I whispered back, tugging myself from his embrace, my eyes roaming the blood tinged welts on his face and chest.

"It's, fine," he said.

As I washed away the sweat and tears in the bathroom and examined the deep frayed-skin indentations made from the pressure of my fingernails digging into my palms, I wondered why I conjured Paul in such a frightening manner. It was both forms of his separate selves tormenting me together—if that made sense.

Considering how he reacted to the wolf nightmares in my dream journal, I could imagine how upset it would make him if he knew my night terror. Paul would never hurt me, not in a million years. It would devastate him to think I subconsciously felt otherwise. I normally kept my dreams to myself, and this one would be no exception.

When I came back out, concern twisted his features. I went to him and crawled back onto his lap, feeling the trembling vibrations of his body. For the first time, he said, "Rachel, I can't take this anymore. Please talk to me, babe!"


	10. The Journal

**A/N **_I may be cranking these postings out a little quick, but I am just so excited writing again. Thanks for reading!_

**Chapter 10**

**_The Journal_**

"Rachel, I can't take this anymore. Please talk to me, babe!"

The telltale sign of Paul's concern and agitation manifested. A tiny vein between his eyebrows just above the bridge of his nose became more prominent when something deeply troubled him.

I first noticed it the night that Jacob broke up the pack. I saw it again when his mom became ill and almost went into a diabetic coma and then once more when he told me that a vampire got away, and Embry died. The last time I saw it was the day of Embry's funeral.

Of all the times to ask, this was the nightmare he wanted me to share with him. It hardly seemed fair for him to have to hear about it, especially since he never heard about the other nightmares when he wasn't the villain. "It was just a horrible dream, a senseless, horrible dream. Can we not make it bigger than it is?"

I didn't want him to tell him that he is who I urgently needed to get away from because my life depended on it. That he was part of a nightmare far more terrifying than any other dream I've had before, including the nightmares crawling with vampires.

It was the separated forms of his two selves that scared the holy hell out of me. The human side of Paul could have intervened to help me, to save me. Instead, he held me trapped, waiting for the wolf Paul to devour me. Telling him those details wouldn't help anything. It would only make him upset to know he terrified me, even as I woke to see him.

I'm not sure of the reason, but my eyes tried to well with tears. I blinked them away.

"C'mon, Rachel. You can tell me anything. I'm a big boy. I can take it. No matter what. You said it yourself. It's just a dream."

The inside of my throat tickled, and my eye twitched. Choiceless, I snuggled myself against him, keeping my head down. "It was a nightmare about a stranger… uh…" I coughed. "It was a strange wolf, a primitive wolf."

That much was certain. Though the wolf resembled my perfect Paul, it didn't contain an ounce of humanity. I lifted my head to monitor his expression, noticing the tiny vein faded as soon as I spoke.

He inhaled through his nostrils as he listened. I continued. "It had me cornered in a locked room… the bedroom, actually." I let out a nervous laugh.

His expression fell. Not appearing upset, but more like I relieved him. He stroked my arm with his fingertips, coaxing me to continue.

"I could feel its hunger. It was about to kill me." _Brutally tear me to pieces is more like it_.

"Well, what did the wolf look like?"

I bit my lip, muttering, "Like a wolf."

He studied me for a moment with concerned yet questioning eyes, then he asked. "Was it me?"

I briefly glanced away and nodded.

"You dreamt I wanted to hurt to you?"

"Look, Paul, I told you my dreams had become irrational and made little sense."

"Yeah, you did," he agreed. "I felt how terrified you were. You've never been that way before."

He turned his head to the side and there were more red welts in the shape of claws on his neck, additional to the ones I already spotted on his chest and shoulder. I glanced down at my broken fingernails.

"Is there more?" he asked.

"A little."

He sighed and kissed the top of my head with a sensitivity that immediately caused me to wonder why confiding in him had become so difficult.

"You were there on the other side of the door, but you wouldn't let me out. It felt like you were waiting for me to get killed. It felt like you wanted me dead." Not giving him a chance to respond, I quickly threw in, "We were looking at the dream journal, talking about wolf nightmares tonight. And I _am _overly tired. I'm sure that's all it was."

He continued to run his fingertips up and down my arm, caressing my skin lightly. "You're probably right. I'll just have to make sure I'm here each night from now on, though. I don't want you ever going through something like that alone." He sighed. "I'm glad you talked to me. I was afraid you wouldn't want to. It wasn't even that bad, was it?" He grinned, waiting for my answer.

"No, it wasn't. I'm glad you asked." I meant it, too. It felt great to share with him something I would normally stew about in the privacy of my mind. Not that I still wouldn't continue to wonder what brought on that kind of dream. At least it wasn't a secret.

"You can tell me anything and everything going on with you, Rachel, even if it is just a terrible dream."

Clearly, Paul didn't care what the nightmare was. His major anxiety was whether I would let myself confide in him about it. I recognized my increasing guardedness is what he feared the most.

I spotted the journal spread open on the carpet and leaned over to pick it up. "I may have to write my dreams down again." Symbolism crammed them, and it was about time I figured out just what they were trying to tell me.

"How did you make the nightmares stop back then, anyway?" Paul asked.

"Let's see what I wrote." To get more comfortable, we huddled up together on the couch and opened it. This time we paged through the journal more precisely, reading one dream at a time and discussing them. Most of the nightmares were about a pack of wolves chasing me, attacking me, or feasting on me. No wonder why they bothered him.

I dreamt about a few members of my family getting hurt. Billy fell off a cliff and died in a nightmare. A clown at the County Fair kidnapped Rebecca.

I stopped reading and took a moment to make some hot chocolate and fix us some sandwiches. When I was in the kitchen, I heard Paul chuckling, so I asked, "What's so funny over there? I won't let you read anymore if you're going to make fun."

"Did you have a boyfriend with red hair and lots of red freckles? And was he missing one of his front teeth?" He cracked up uncontrollably.

_Did I write about him in the journal? _Embarrassment flooded me as I remembered. I was nine. His name was Jonathan, and he was the Fork's Sunday School teacher's son. We used to hold hands underneath the table. I thought I loved him, and I wanted to marry him when I grew up.

I couldn't believe I wrote about him. I gasped. I couldn't believe Paul read about him. I rushed out of the kitchen, yanked the journal out of Paul's hand and whacked him with it. My mouth formed a half-grin, but mortified, I became more furious by the second.

He covered his head with his arms, continuing to laugh. "Sorry… sorry," he rumbled, trying to regain control of himself.

_He's not sorry! _"Make your own sandwich," I spat, glaring, and whipping the journal against the wall.

He burst with laughter again. "Stop it," he chuckled. Then he snatched me by the waist and pulled me on top of him, hanging on to me tightly.

"You stop it!" I wiggled, trying to shimmy out of his grasp and break the clasp of his steadfast arms. He held on to me tighter, his body still rumbling with muffled chuckles.

"Okay. I'm sorry. Really. I am." He cleared his throat, forcing his lips out of the smile and into a slight pucker. The laughter was still shining in his eyes. He kissed me on the cheek. "I won't do it again. In fact, you look first. I won't read it unless you say it's okay."

I rolled my eyes but smiled at him, acknowledging the hilariousness of the moment.

I found a dream where Jacob drowned. _Rebecca, he, and I were traveling by foot on a straight and narrow blacktop road. Deep, daunting rivers of water bordered both sides of the street. The rivers aligned evenly with the pavement, almost as if they were about to flood over the roadway. His head lowered, Jacob was paying attention to the candy bar he was eating and not paying attention to his direction. He veered toward the edge of the road. Rebecca and I began screaming for him to stop, but not listening, he fell._

_The water became as clear and steady as the water in a glass. I watched him nosedive, jet fast, with his mouth moving in slow motion as he screamed out the word "Mom" Bubbles rose to the top, breaking the surface._

_Heartbroken and horrified, I forced myself to wake up, but it was only partially. I continued dreaming. I decided I wanted someone to save him. Suddenly there were fishing boats on the river. A fisherman threw in a line and hooked Jacob by the shirt and reeled him to safety._

"Read this, Paul. I think this was the first time I learned to control my nightmares."

That nightmare must have brought about my lucid dreaming. It was the first of its kind, and we were almost to the end of the journal.

The last several dreams about the wolves all ended with me jumping in the air and flying away. "So, this is what Jacob meant in the garage that day."

"What do you mean?"

"The day Jacob showed me the journal, he asked me if I'd been flying much."

"So now we know how you stopped your nightmares. You just flew away from them."

That I lucid dreamt my way out of nightmares back then was interesting and made sense. After I began imagining Nekoy in the vampire dreams, they went away. I doubted I could fly _anywhere_ these days, though. I shrugged. "Well did we learn anything?"

"I know I did," he smirked, gripping his lips together.

"Be quiet." I smiled, standing up. "We better go to back to sleep. I bet tomorrow will be just as tiring as today."

"It is tomorrow," he said, following me into the bedroom.

* * *

**A/N** _Since this chapter is short compared to my usual, here is a sneak peak from **Chapter 11,** **Wedding Crashers.** _

Several long, pitchy howls unexpectedly stung the night. My heart leapt and Paul's body went rigid. His head snapped toward the entrance a split second before the door swung open and banged against the wall.

Quil bolted inside. Sam hurried toward the door with Quil, motioning to Collin and some others to follow him.

Paul shot to his feet, pulling me up with him. Placing his hand on my lower back, he unintentionally pushed me across the room, my legs barely keeping up as we made our way to Jacob and Jared who were standing near the other exit, talking to Samson, who'd just appeared from outside.

"Bloodsuckers! Two of them for sure," Jared scowled, moving passed us, going toward the women's restroom.


	11. Wedding Crashers

**Chapter 11**

**_Wedding Crashers_**

The day arrived sunny, bright, and beautiful and perfect for an outdoor wedding.

Naturally, no matter how ready we were, we weren't ready enough. The day felt hectic and rushed. Paul returned later than expected from decorating the flat, an area on the mountainside handpicked by Leah that overlooked our scenic La Push cliffs against a spectacular ocean view. It was the exact spot where River had proposed.

I was nagging him to get ready as fast as he could. "Settle down. Everyone else's running on Native time, too," he claimed, as he tried to get his socks and shoes on in a hurry.

Glaring in the mirror, I detailed the puffy, darkened circles under my eyes. The night before, I dreamt that it was me who married in an outdoor ceremony. I experienced the joyous beating of the drums, as real as if they vibrated in my very bones, while I stood before a crowd of hazy people. And the groom, well, the groom was Nekoy.

When I opened my eyes, I forced the images out of my head and decided not to give them a second thought. I was over letting my dreams affect me. It was my turn to get married next, dreams or no dreams. I made Leah promise she would throw her bouquet in my direction to stake my claim.

"I look awful. It's easy to see I haven't slept well in _days_," I groaned.

Paul turned and examined me with his eyes. "What are you talking about? You look amazing!"

"Amazing enough to dance with?" I fluttered my eyelashes.

"Now that's playing dirty. I already told you. The only wedding I'm dancing at is ours."

Paul hated dancing. He made it clear after Sam and Emily's reception he would not do it again until we got married. I thought he danced fine. It was only slow dancing, but he didn't even care to do that.

The guys did a tremendous job of enhancing our tribal land's native beauty with the colorful wildflower arrangements we showcased in the rocky textured vases and real-wood log planters. Leah's vision proved brilliant, and she and her newlywed husband made an adorable union.

The reception turned out fabulously. Everyone in La Push seemed in attendance. Several of the guests hit the dance floor as soon as River and Leah completed their first dance as husband and wife. I only consumed two glasses of champagne during the toasts and reception dinner, but I already felt tipsy.

Paul didn't like the taste of alcohol. It had zero effect on him. He would have to drink who knew how much to feel the slightest bit of a difference. We speculated their body temperatures burned off the alcohol before it could collect in their blood streams long enough for them to feel it. But no one was certain why the guys appeared to be immune to such beverages.

I received a marvelous surprise when my best friend from high school traipsed into the ballroom. Recognizing one another, we both practically ran across the room into each other's arms. "My gosh, Rachel, when did La Push take to harboring giants? They didn't make 'em like this when we were in school." She joked, noticing how tall a lot of the guys were, and several of them only being teenagers.

"When did you get back?" I beamed, searching the room with my eyes, "Is Dan here, too?"

"Just today and no," She replied, fidgeting in discomfort. "We're getting a divorce." Bethany got pregnant when we were seniors and married her first love right after graduation. They moved to Idaho, and we foolishly lost touch.

"Oh, Bethany. I'm sorry to hear that."

"Ah don't be. It's a long time coming. Anyway, I just came to pick up my grandma. I'm not in a wedding-celebrating mood as you could imagine. But I'll be staying with her for now. Call me, so we can catch up."

"You bet!"

I returned to our table, and Jared and Paul had engrossed themselves in a conversation about an upcoming boxing match soon to happen on pay-per-view television.

I noticed Brady sitting at a table across the room by himself, wearing a long, lonely face. I went over to cheer him up. Approaching, I followed his gaze to Journey. She stood by the punch bowl, laughing with some other girls her age, and Seth wasn't very far away from them.

Holding the skirt of my cream and black cocktail dress against my lap, I sat down beside Brady and scooted my chair close to the table. He hardly paid me notice. "What are you doing over here all by your lonesome?" I teased.

He made a miserable face. "I'm just bored. If they didn't make me an usher, I would have volunteered to run patrols tonight," he said, glancing at Journey again.

"She looks great, doesn't she?" I gestured toward her.

"Eh," he said, twisting the palm of his hand back and forth. "I thought she looked just as great before she started wearing make-up and dressing like that." He eyed her for a moment, his expression thoughtful. "I mean. She is beautiful. I'm just saying I loved the other way just as much."

"Why don't you ask her to dance? I'm sure she'd love that," I encouraged.

"Nah… she's probably waiting for Seth to do that," he moped, adding, "I heard him thinking about asking her out tonight."

"Thinking is only thinking, Brady. Haven't you ever heard the phrase _just do it?_"

"Uh… maybe later."

"Come on, Brady. Don't give up so _easily_."

"What's the point? We'll all probably imprint, anyway." Stretching his legs, he leaned back in his chair and cradled his head in his interlaced palms and watched the dancers.

Instead of me cheering him up, he was bringing me down. I slumped in the chair, hopeless and wishing for another glass of champagne. At a loss for more words, it occurred to me that we never discussed what gave him the idea one of us girls romantically interested Nekoy.

"Can I ask you something?" He nodded. What exactly did you hear that led you to believe the missing vampire wanted to turn me or Kim?"

"Oh that," he said, shifting back to an upright position. "Yeah, I heard you didn't believe me."

"It's not that I didn't believe you. It's just that I didn't believe someone infatuated the vampire," I babbled, feeling the foot in my mouth. "Wait… that doesn't make sense, does it?"

"No, it doesn't." He laughed. "It's okay if you don't believe me, Rachel. I don't mind."

"It just never appeared that way to me. That's why I'm asking."

"So… the first night you and Kim arrived, I came to for a few minutes. I heard two of them talking. One of them told the other. '_I bet the Indian never leaves their side. He looks sweet on the girl. He'll stay close to her.'_ But I was so out of it, I couldn't move my head to see who they were talking about.

_"_Then… sometime after Seth arrived, I opened my eyes. I saw the Native and another standing outside of your room. The vampire guarding me made a remark, something about, 'you know what happened the last time.' The Native leech told him they weren't going far. That's when I heard his voice.

"Moments later, I heard someone outside the window directly behind the cage. There must have been a piece of glass missing or something because the sound seemed to carry, or my ears finally worked again. My memory is fuzzy, and I admit I didn't catch it all, but I know for a fact I heard the exact words, '_change her,'_ come from a voice. The other voice said, '_if that's the only way_.'

"I'm one hundred percent _positive_ that the other voice was the voice of the Native leech, and I know for a fact they talked about taking someone with them."

_"Another guest is on the way, Nekoy," Tony said, as he entered the room. "A wolf is coming to make sure everyone is alive and healthy. The boss wants us out of here for a while."_

_Nekoy glanced at me, disturbed._

_Paul or Jacob or someone else coming to rescue us was the only care on my mind. I nodded at them. _

_He followed Tony out the door. I immediately woke Kim to tell her the news._

_Time went by. Nekoy stayed away longer than expected. A jingling of keys clanking together sounded in the hallway. The door unlocked. A wave of panic slithered through my veins. Startled, Kim threw her arms around me. __The heavy door gaped._

_I sensed people behind it, and from the sounds, I didn't believe any of them were Nekoy. They used Tony to get him away from us, and now we were about to die. __My heart seemed to echo while I watched the door creak open in an eerily slow motion. But then, a sandy-colored wolf trotted into the room._

_I swallowed down my fear and found my breath again. Barking what seemed to be a greeting of re-assurance, he cocked his head to one side, his tongue hanging out slightly through his open muzzle. I stared straight into his eyes and as he blinked at me; something recognizable about his eyes, and his personality made me nearly certain it was Seth._

_"I'm sure you'll agree that they're both fine and in excellent condition," George said to the wolf. "Now if you'll continue to follow me."_

_When the door shut, Kim and I hugged each other. _

_A long while later, keys jingled outside the door again, bringing Nekoy back inside. A mass of concern covered his face. Nekoy's eyes swayed to Kim, who was awake and sitting beside me. He turned away and took up a chair._

_His expression made me uncomfortable. __When Kim went to the restroom, I welcomed the opportunity. Reeling toward him, I whispered, "What is it?" _

_"They aren't letting your family live. Not the ones going to Italy… nor anyone here."_

_Shuddering at the news, my head spun. When were they planning to kill us? How were they planning to kill us? What were we going to do?_

_"It'll be dangerous, but we can take you both out the window when the time is right. I thought about warning the wolf, but that is too big of a risk right now." _

_The water from the faucet turned on. Kim would be out soon. Pressured to finish the conversation before she came out, I said, "But they're coming for us." _

_"Are you certain?"_

_I didn't have time to tell him that Seth could talk to Jacob, and that meant the packs knew where we were. I nodded, only replying, "Completely."_

_"I need time to myself." He moved to the far end of the room and sat, crossing his legs, and placing his head against the wall with his eyes closed. _

_When Kim came out of the bathroom, I put my finger to my lips and motioned toward him. She tiptoed back to the mattress, and we studied him. He stayed in that position so long, we almost felt alone. Kim became a lot livelier. "__I splashed my face with cold water, but my eyelids still feel like weights." She said then frowned. "Sorry, I checked out on you." _

"It's no problem. I watched over you while you slept."

_I didn't tell her what I'd learned. It annoyed me that they planned on killing us and Nekoy meditated. We both rested on our mattresses, waiting for someone to come or something to happen. A tugging at my arm pulled me awake. Nekoy knelt beside me. I rolled over, rubbing my eyes, and spotting Kim's sleeping face then turned back to him. _

_"You're right, they are coming," he whispered. "I've been watching them. It won't be long now."_

_Recalling how one of the Cullen girls saw visions, I whispered, "You saw them? In the future?" _

_"Not exactly, but something like that. I saw them."_

Reflecting, my conclusion made little sense. Alice couldn't see the wolves. So, Nekoy shouldn't have been able to see them either.

Brady tapped me on the arm, interrupting my thoughts and pointing at the stage. The guys in the band just returned from a fifteen-minute break. Paul was conversing with them. They looked over at me. "He's going to ask me to dance," I said. An enormous grin slid across my face.

"Looks like it," Brady uninterestedly mumbled.

I scanned the room for Journey. She was standing by herself near the gift table. "Brady you have to ask Journey to dance!" I urged in excitement. I knew she wouldn't say no to him because "_they were best buds."_

"Nope," he replied stubbornly. "Not a chance."

Paul took a step down from the stage. "I'm serious," I persisted, glaring at him. "If you don't, I won't dance with Paul, and he will be very upset."

Brady stared back at me, as if trying to determine my seriousness. His shoulders relaxed, and he tenaciously shrugged. "Not my problem."

Paul approached us as the band strapped on their guitars.

"Don't test me, Brady. I really won't dance with him."

Grimacing, he ignored me.

Paul reached us before the music began. "Surprise, babe!" He was about to extend his arm out to me.

I shook my head at him, chewing on my lip and holding back my smile. "I'm not dancing unless Brady dances with Journey," I declared, directing my sight from Paul to Brady and back again.

"Are you serious?" Paul asked in disbelief.

I nodded, straight faced. It was only a bluff. I had every intention of folding if Brady didn't step up soon.

Paul glanced up at the band, his patience wearing. I frowned, but Brady really needed a shove in the right direction. The music started. "Brady, go dance with Journey," Paul demanded.

"Nope!" Brady flat out resisted, calling my bluff, and refusing to make eye contact with us.

The first musical bars repeated. Paul's lip curled, and a low, ferocious growl came rumbling out.

Brady's eyes popped open in surprise, and he reflexively sprung to his feet. "I hate you guys," he grumbled as he walked toward Journey to ask her to dance.

"There," Paul snickered, holding his arm out and taking me by the hand.

Everyone focused on us as he led me out to the dance floor. Brady and Journey joined us under the soft-colored strobe lights.

"I text a postcard, sent to you. Did it go through? Sending all my love to you," Paul sang into my ear as our bodies touched, and he took the lead. Someone taught him to dance. Elated, invisible bands pulled and held the corners of my stretched lips.

"My beating heart belongs to you." Spinning me, he harmonized with the vocalist. "I walked for miles till I found you."

"How?" I asked.

"Not easily. Thank Mom. She practiced with me for a few weeks."

I was even more elated when I witnessed how close Journey clung to Brady and how happy he appeared.

As the song neared the end, and I was about to pull him closer for a kiss, the entire crowd whistled, hooted, and hollered. Paul quickly faced me in the opposite direction. Brady and Journey were locked in a heavy kiss of their own. Next to my unexpected dance with Paul, it was the most fulfilling part of the entire night.

"I bet he doesn't hate us now," I gloated, searching the room for Seth.

"I bet your right."

Seth gawked at Brady and Journey as they strolled back to the corner table, together. I detected a little green-eyed envy which didn't last. A cheerful smile followed an _"oh well"_ shrug, and Seth turned his attention back to the girl standing beside him.

Set to catch a four am flight to some unknown destination, a surprise from River to Leah. It was that time.

The single ladies gathered on the floor. Leah fanned her bouquet toward me to make sure I was paying attention. She discretely tilted her head to the right. I scooted in that direction, away from everyone else. Raven and Kim must have noticed the signal, because they moved themselves in the same direction, infuriating me.

Leah turned her back toward us. The bouquet floated high, through the air. It fell apart right before my eyes. Along with Raven and Kim, I jumped, clutching one of the pieces. The fraction was a perfect smaller version of the whole bunch, fastened tightly at the stem. Leah grinned mischievously. Grinning back at her, I waved my mini bouquet and mouthed, "Thank you."

It didn't matter if Raven and Kim caught a portion, too. I was older, so they would have to get in line.

The celebration continued after the newlyweds drove out of sight, but it was waning. Admiring Paul's heavenly features I took a sip of champagne. Catching my appreciation, he leaned, sampling the drink on my lips with his tongue.

"When do you think we should leave?" I asked.

"The sooner the better," he said, murmuring against my mouth, "I can't wait to get home and taste you, _thoroughly_."

Several long, pitchy howls unexpectedly stung the night. My heart leapt and Paul's body went rigid. His head snapped toward the entrance a split second before the door swung open and banged against the wall.

Quil bolted inside. Sam hurried toward the door with Quil, motioning to Collin and some others to follow him.

Paul shot to his feet, pulling me up with him. Placing his hand on my lower back, he unintentionally pushed me across the room, my high-heeled feet barely keeping up as we made our way to Jacob and Jared who were standing near the other exit, talking to Samson, who'd just appeared from outside.

"Bloodsuckers! Two of them for sure," Jared scowled, moving passed us, going toward the women's restroom.

_Two bloodsuckers? _I seized hold of Paul's arm, butterflies flipped my stomach, and I got chills.

"It's good that a lot of the guests left," Jacob said, observing the room. "We can't all leave at once. Wait a few minutes, then grab Journey, and Brady and meet us outside," he said to Paul.

"Stay here. I'll be right back." Paul gently peeled my hands from his arm to collect Journey and Brady.

Coming out of the restroom behind Jared, Kim rushed over to me and we linked ourselves together, bringing back memories of that horrid time. Minutes later, Seth, Ethan, and Elijah stood up and calmly ventured outdoors.

I found Raven with my eyes. She looked about to cry.

_Am I dreaming?_

"I need to sit down," I mumbled. Legs shaking, I made for a chair and plopped into it. Kim sat beside me.

Journey came back through the door and hurried over to us. "Paul and Jared will be right in to explain. It's all good." No sign of the freshman fifteen-year-old existed anywhere on her persona.

When they entered, Jacob strode toward Raven while Paul and Jared came toward us. Kim and I hopped up and met them halfway.

Paul wrapped his arms around me. "Hey, don't be afraid, okay? This is what we've been waiting for," he said as I clung to him.

"What's going on?" I asked in a fog.

"Quil and Nevada came across two of them _near _the borders."

_Tony and Nekoy?_ was my first thought. _No, it's not_ was my second.

"The guys backed off as soon as they whiffed them. The pack will split in groups and get around. Surround them… You can go home. Journey and Liam will go with you. Josiah and Cody will leave with Kim… unless you want to wait for me at Billy's?"

I struggled to comprehend Paul's instructions. The volume of his voice seemed turned low, or some static white noise was interfering. After all this time, I couldn't believe this was happening.

"I'll be fine at home," I muttered, as I wondered who and what and why?

Jacob waved to Paul and Jared.

"We'll do our best to end this tonight. I love you." He kissed me firmly and flew out the door.

"If they're still out there, they'll find them." Journey assured as we parked in my driveway. "He won't get away this time, Rachel."

I couldn't speak. I was too worried. Too jumbled. "I feel nauseated. I think I need to lie down."

Alone in my bedroom, I fell apart. I hated the feeling I got when Paul, Jacob, and the others encountered vampires. The danger had become much more substantial, especially because of Embry. I saw it at the reception. It was present on everyone's face who knew the secret of our wolves.

I worried about all of them, and there were so many young wolves. But Paul and Jacob were my life. I didn't know how I would ever survive if one of them didn't come home. The hot tears rolled. I covered my face with my pillow and cried.

Growing by the moment, the fear became unbearable. Questions ransacked my brain. _What if it is Nekoy and Tony and this really is my fault? What if someone dies because I kept quiet? What if it's not Nekoy and Tony and whoever is out there is far more dangerous? What if someone dies because I kept quiet?_

I couldn't wait to find out whether I was wrong or right. I needed answers fast. Desperate, I had to try something.

Bringing out my laptop from its case, I pulled up a white page directory for Golden, BC, Canada. It was a long shot, but it was my only shot. If I were wrong about him, Paul and Jake needed to know, so they could locate Nekoy. And if I were right, I couldn't continue to let them bark up the wrong tree. Lives depended on them finding out who the invaders were and what they wanted.

As I typed Nekoy in the first name field, I was aware that I didn't have a last name to accompany it. I stared at the blank last-name field. The blank field glared back at me. I don't know how I knew this, but I did. In the back of my mind, I somehow did. And whatever gave me the answer came from deep inside of me.

My hands trembled as I typed in the words Morning Star. Ignoring rationality, I hit search.

"No results found" appeared on my screen. I let out a breath of relief.

_What did I expect?_

Part of me, the sensible side, wanted to ignore Chetwynd, BC and give up. It was a wilder invention than my desperate construction of the last name Morning Star. As if a dream figment could give me a factual answer to a dream question.

I sat still, focusing on the screen until it turned black.

Eventually, my desperation to find some answers won the battle of the crazies. I changed my search to Nekoy Morning Star, Chetwynd BC.

Did you mean Nekoy Morningstar? I clicked on it.  
No result found.

Did you mean Nekoy Morning? I clicked on it.  
1 result found.

My heart raced, as I opened the result.

The telephone number for a Nekoy Morning in Chetwynd, British Columbia, Canada appeared. Before I talked myself back to sanity, I took out my cell phone and did the unthinkable. I dialed the number.

After only one ring, a male voice answered. "Hello."

I held no recognition of the voice. "Nekoy," I stuttered, my voice emerging scarcely louder than a whisper.

"Speaking,"

I froze.

"Hello, is someone there?"

I tried hard to recall his voice, even the voice in my dreams.

"Rachel?" he whispered.

* * *

**_A/N_**_ Last Night on Earth by Green Day, their dance song, is an awesome song. Give it a listen if you feel so inclined. _


	12. Confessions

**Chapter 12**

**_Confessions_**

I panicked. That didn't matter. I found out what I needed to know. Someone else was stalking our reservation. I could at least let Jacob and Paul know that much.

I replayed my crazy antics, wondering how to go about what I needed to do next, deciding I desperately needed some understanding, some encouragement, and some strength. Opening the back door, I quietly called for Journey. "I need to see my dad."

On the drive out, Journey and Liam updated me. Still tracking the vampires by scent, none of the wolves got close enough to them. Journey and Liam were both so confident that everyone would be safe; they comforted me. As did the peaceful glow of the household lights shining from the tiny little home that would always love and welcome me, no matter how unsure of myself I felt.

Billy was awake, just as I expected. I doubted any wolf's family members were sleeping soundly. The door opened before I knocked. "I was wondering when you'd show up."

I leaned over, gave him a hug, and blubbered. Sniffling, I attempted to swallow my tears. "I'm too worried and scared to be alone, Dad."

"Rebecca called, too," he said, handing me a handkerchief. "She said she felt like she needed to call home, and that she called you first, but you didn't answer your home phone or your cell phone."

Patting my empty pant pockets, I muttered, "I forgot my cell at home," recalling how I'd dropped it when Nekoy spoke my name.

"I assured her we were fine. She said she'll call you tomorrow."

I got comfortable on the small loveseat, and he tossed me a blanket. Covering up, I gaped at him. Tongue tied; I couldn't break the news to Dad. I didn't know how I planned on breaking it to Jacob and Paul.

"I've seen that look before, kiddo. You got something you want to tell me?" He asked. The patience and understanding that always surfaced whenever one of us needed it materialized in his eyes. It was a trait he mastered as soon as it became necessary for him to take over Mom's specialties.

I came straight out with it. "It's about the vampire they've been looking for."

I stopped and waited for him to ask me something to help me move forward. His features remained unchanged, his eyes widening as if to say go ahead, but remaining silent. I would have to do it all by myself.

"I didn't tell them I talked to him, because I thought they would think he wanted to hurt me. When the fact is, he saved my life… our lives."

I detailed what went on while they held us captive and told him why I believed Nekoy wasn't a danger. He listened open-mindedly, without questions, until I got it all out. "And now you want to tell them what you just told me, but you're afraid?"

I nodded.

"Well, you know what I always say, '_better late than never_.'"

"You're not mad?"

"I'm worried about you, definitely worried. But I'm not mad at you. It sounds like you believed you were doing the right thing."

"I did. I thought it would be wrong of me to say, '_oh yeah. Go find him and kill him' _after he saved my life and made sure we stayed safe, right until the very moment Paul and Leah came for us. I still feel that way, Dad."

"Your brother and the rest of them believe they're doing what's right too… Truth be told, I'm inclined to trust their instincts more when it comes to vampires. It nearly killed me when they took you. They're trying to keep you safe. They love you."

"I know they do," I said, dropping my head to hide the fresh tears forming.

"That's why it's important that you communicate with them. Figure this out together."

I nodded grimly.

"It'll be okay. All my kids are the same. You all think you need to solve every problem by yourselves. Too headstrong to ask for any help. Jake's the most stubborn for that. He'll understand. Now calm down and try to rest a little."

"Thanks, Dad." I smiled, weak but appreciative, glad to have come to him first.

Afraid that I might talk myself out of it before they arrived, I decided not to linger on what I was about to say or what their reactions might be. I dozed off and on while I waited for them to come home, focused on how badly I wanted them to walk through the door. They couldn't get home soon enough.

Just before sunrise, I heard Paul and Jacob's voices coming from outside. I peeked out the window. They were almost to the house. Compared to the dawn's quiet, it seemed as if they talked extra loudly.

Busting out of myself with happiness and relief to see them, I anxiously searched for my shoes. I couldn't wait to get my arms around Paul.

I stopped to listen when I heard Jake say, "They were probably his mates."

"Is it common for them to have two mates? Maybe one of them is _his _mate," Paul said.

Jake asked, "What if she's not his mate _anymore…_ and she knows he wants a different one?"

"An ex-mate, a jealous ex-mate?"

Jacob shrugged.

Nekoy never had a mate. He had a wife, and she died.

_Shuffling the deck of cards, he asked. "How are you connected to the wolves?" I know they are using you as a bargaining chip, meaning you're valuable to the wolves. But what is your exact relationship to them?"_

_He had answered every question I asked with no hesitation. I didn't suppose it would hurt anything if I told him a little about us. "My fiancé is a wolf and so is my brother. Some wolves are my cousins. I guess you could say we're one big happy family."_

_"A fiancé_…" _He made an expression indicative of having had an 'ah ha' moment._ "_It makes sense that a b…" He halted himself, a shadow of a smile appearing. "You have a fiancé. It explains the potency of the werewolf's scent about you."_

_"Do you have a mate?" I asked. "I hear it's just as common for vampires to have mates as it is for wolves to have them."_

_ "A vampire mate?" He let out a quiet laugh. "Truthfully… I don't think I could love something I loathe about myself," he said, without emotion._

_"Or… maybe it's as simple as not finding that special someone yet." I couldn't imagine existing through centuries alone. "A local girl fell in love with a vampire, and she changed for him."_

_His eyebrow raised, initially appearing intrigued then stating, "However interesting, I'd consider that taking a human life. I didn't like it when it happened to me."_

_"It wasn't like that, or so I'm told. Events got pretty complicated before that occurred." I almost shared Bella and Edward's story, but decided against it, instead offering, "To me, it doesn't seem fair… always being alone. You didn't ask to become a vampire. Now you're expected to spend eternity lonely just to do what's right?"_

_"It's not so bad, and I married in my human life!" _

_I went over our previous conversation, not recalling him mentioning a wife. "Well, I'm sorry you had to leave her behind," I said._

_"No. She already passed before this happened to me." He dropped his eyes; I glimpsed a touch of grief._

_I told myself to let it go. But after only a few quiet moments, I stupidly blurted, "What happened to her?" Regretting the question, I added, "Don't answer that… Wow, I really can't keep my nosy mouth shut, can I?"_

_He laughed at my remark. "Not at all. I'm glad you're interested."_

Huh?_ My lip quivered. I squirmed in the chair, glancing away._

_He cleared his throat, amused. "I can see my comment struck a nerve. I didn't mean it like that," he said. "I meant I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to get to know me."_

_I felt even more discomforted for jumping to the wrong conclusion and knowing that he noticed it. The uneasiness lingered._

_Perhaps to clear the awkward silence, he said, "A few months into our marriage, we suffered a long severe winter, with more snow than I had ever seen in my life at the time. We ran low on food. Most of the men in our camp, including myself, traveled south to find some. While I was away, she became ill. Delirious with fever, she wandered from the camp. Wild animals, also starving from the lengthy, harsh winter, attacked her."_

Jacob and Paul reached the porch, and I rushed from the house and hugged them both—first Jacob—then I jumped into Paul's arms, tears of relief and happiness trickling down my face.

Billy was wheeling himself down the hallway as we came inside. When he rolled himself into the living room, Jacob said, "It was two of the vampires from my vision, the dark-haired guy with the ponytail, a female with long black hair, and there was another female. We didn't get a close view of her. They were already on a fast sprint before we got close to them. Then the rain started, heavy enough to wash away their scents. We lost them."

"They just had too much of a head start on us, babe," Paul said, in disappointment. He plopped down on the sofa, grabbing my hand, and pulling me down beside him. "They know we're on to them now, so it might be awhile before we get another chance."

"Or, it could cause them to step up their efforts," Jacob added as his eyes met mine. He stalked into the kitchen to get himself a glass of water. "The missing vampire wasn't among them. But that doesn't mean he's not involved. I'm sure he's connected to these vampires. The more I think on it, the more certain I become that the figure is him." He sat down at the table, facing Billy. "There is an important _aspect_ to the vision, too, that I can't seem to grasp. It's like it's there, but then it's not." His voice was questioning. "Like I can almost understand what I saw, but then I don't. It's frustrating not having answers."

I saw my opening to provide some. "He didn't have a mate." I said, surprising myself by how easily it came out and how calm my voice sounded, despite the quickening of my heartbeat.

Jacob jerked his head around, and Paul's glare weighed on me. I turned a little, so I wasn't touching him. I thought maybe he wouldn't want me touching him.

I focused on Billy. He gave a supportive head nod.

"I heard you talking about someone's mate outside." I slowly turned my head and stared into Paul's eyes, before turning to do the same to Jacob. I repeated, "The missing vampire didn't have a mate."

"How do you know?" Jacob asked.

I blinked, dropped my head, and glared down at my lap before answering. "Because he told me he didn't."

Paul's arm slid behind my back, and he drew my restless body against his. It was then I realized my quivering. Still, I decided not to look at him again until I said everything I needed to say.

I held on to the fact I really believed not telling them was the right thing to do and that Nekoy was not a threat.

Jacob's face was without expression, but his voice sounded at ease when he asked, "So, what all can you tell us about him, Rachel?"

"I know he doesn't harm people. He never has. He wasn't associated with the Romanians or George and Thomas. He only joined them when he found out they took human hostages. He wanted to help us."

I started from the beginning when Nekoy first refused to help the vampires. Then I shared the conversations between him and I. I kept my head down most of the time, refusing to look thoroughly at Jacob or Paul. I could wait to see their reactions. I'd face the consequences soon enough. Paul's body tensed a few times, and Jacob groaned at points. But like Billy, neither of them interrupted with questions.

When I finished, I took a deep breath, and I raised my head, stealing a glance at Paul before resting my eyes on Jacob. He seemed the easiest to engage.

"Well, that confirms what we suspected. Kim isn't who he's after," Jake gloated.

I allowed myself to absorb their demeanors. They both didn't seem surprised.

"He's not after anyone. Weren't you listening to a word I said?"

"I'm sure that's what he wanted you to believe. Maybe he didn't feed off people, but we weren't worried about him wanting to feed from you, Rachel. We worried about him wanting to _change _you. You told us yourself. He doesn't have a _mate!_" Jake stressed.

"Jacob you have vampire friends. You know they can have good intentions."

"I have friends and one of those friends can cause people to feel calm and safe. I'm sure that's what he was doing to you. He went out of his way to make you believe he was a hero."

"Well then, why didn't he change me? He had more than enough opportunity."

"Maybe he wanted you to go willingly. Maybe he still does."

A low growl escaped Paul.

Shifting his attention to Paul, he said, "I'm just saying… Who knows why?"

"Then… this confirms the reason I never told you before. I knew you wouldn't believe me." I turned to Paul. He gave me a comforting squeeze but said nothing. It didn't surprise me; he'd side with Jacob.

"Rachel, I know he's part of the vision, so he _must _be part of the group running around here last night. Now do you have any idea where he might be hiding?" Jacob asked.

"He told me he was going to the Canadian Rockies." I heard the words come out of my mouth and dread pierced my soul. With all my heart, I knew telling them anymore was a grave mistake. It felt sickening. I silenced myself. "That's all I know."

Jacob narrowed his eyes, and his brow crinkled in suspicion. I supposed I deserved that look and could expect it from now on.

"That's enough, Jake." Paul said. "Are you ready to go home, Rachel?"

"I am." Burnt out and drained, my body ached, and my tummy was turning.

Jacob sighed. "Yeah, I've got to go see Raven." A moment later, he reached over and pressed my shoulder. "I don't blame you, sis. Some of those vampires have some sic abilities. I wish you would have told us sooner, though."

I didn't answer.

"Billy, I don't see how I could leave Rachel alone under the circumstances."

"Absolutely not... I care more about my daughter's safety than I care about a few judgmental busy-bodies spreading gossip around."

Paul smiled gratefully. "Thanks."

"That reminds me," Billy mentioned as we stood. "There's a rumor going around that you two ran off a few weeks ago and got married. Remember to let your folks know it's going around Paul, so your mom doesn't get upset if she hears it."

Paul and I flashed a startled look at each other. "Are you serious, Dad?" I wasn't in the mood for jokes.

"Hey, I don't spread 'em. I just hear 'em," he chuckled with a sly gleam in his eye. It was hard to tell if he was making it up or not. And the thought crossed my mind that _he_ might be about to spread a rumor.

Paul and I drove in silence on the way home. I glimpsed him several times from the corner of my eye. He glared straight ahead; the corners of his mouth turned down somberly. It was a good bet he wasn't ready to talk to me.

"Are you okay?" he asked as we pulled into the driveway and parked.

When he said nothing earlier, it was because he wanted us to be alone when we talked. So, did I. "Are you? You're the one who should be furious."

I examined his face, closely discerning his expression and preparing myself for whatever might come next. Thankfully, the vein that signaled serious distress wasn't protruding.

He hopped out of the truck without answering. I jumped out too, before he could come around to open the door for me. I didn't want him to pamper me after what I had just confessed.

Following me into the apartment, he relaxed on the couch. I sat down on the loveseat across from him. He smirked and shook his head. "What are you doing, babe?"

I shrugged. Expecting an emotional rift between us, I didn't know how to act.

"Come and sit over here with me."

Slowly rising, I abided, leaving a measurable gap between us. Maneuvering toward me, he tugged me close, gently leaning in and touching his lips to mine, as if he didn't just find out I betrayed him, as if nothing between us had changed. Clearly, I didn't deserve him.

"I told them you would come around. I just didn't realize how long it would take."

I widened my eyes. "You mean you knew all along?"

"Give us some credit, babe. You can't say you know you're not in danger without having a reason. We _knew _you had one. We were just waiting to hear it."

I stared at the black television screen, feeling stupid and feeling awful. Everyone knew I was keeping something about a vampire from my Perfect Paul. I didn't know how he put up with that… how he put up with me.

"Talk to me, Rachel."

I kept glaring at the television. "I wish I came forward sooner and since, apparently, everyone already knew anyway. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do this to you." I turned to him."I love you."

"I know you do, and it's my fault, too. I could have questioned you a long, long time ago… Got you to tell me about it. But I wanted you to tell me on your own. So, I waited. And I convinced everyone else to wait with me. Honestly though, I was afraid you never would. It really started getting to me."

He acted so un-offended and so forgiving. I couldn't understand it. I couldn't _even _stand it. "Don't take any responsibility. I'm the one who kept things from you. I'm sorry for that, Paul. I really am," I said, thinking about how lucky I was to have him.

I held a secret for over a year, and he knew it. Yet, he showered me with as much love and affection as always, not caring that they all knew of my dishonesty with him. The lump in my throat swelled as did moisture in my eyes; I quickly brushed away my tears.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner? Don't you trust me?" he asked in a pleading tone.

"I didn't want you to think he was after me. I still don't believe he is." Nauseated, my voice trembled. "I imagine it would have gone the same as it did today. I would have told you he wasn't a threat and you all wouldn't have listened, even though he saved both of our lives."

"I'm thankful he saved you. But he didn't do it for me."

I cringed at the implication. "Why did he have to do it for someone? Why can't he have protected us because it was the right thing to do?"

Paul sighed roughly, then took a moment considering me. I looked away, wondering if I should tell him I knew for a fact Nekoy was nowhere in the vicinity.

"Listen, babe… maybe he is who you think he is," he said, lifting my chin and kissing my forehead. "I'm just not willing to bet your life on it. Hey, you're burning up. Are you sick?"

"I feel sick." Placing the back of my hand on my feverish forehead, I gave it a last-ditch effort. "Paul, I really think it was someone else out there last night."

Anger snatched his expression. "There is no one else!"

I bolted to the restroom to be sick.


	13. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

**A/N **_thank you RAEng for getting me to update sooner with your comment_**. =)**

**Chapter 13**

**One Step Forward, Two Steps Back**

I spent the next forty-eight hours stuck in bed with the flu. My temperature rose to 103 degrees, but Sue said she didn't think I needed to go to the hospital if I stayed hydrated. I slept most of the time. Paul stayed close to make sure I slept restfully and wake me up in case I needed it. I had a few dreams, but I hardly remembered any of them, except for one. I dreamed of my grandfather standing over me while I slept—clammy with fever. I never knew him because he died before I was born, but I felt a grandfather vibe in the hazy vision. It seemed as if he sprinkled droplets of icy slush on my face to cool me.

When I recovered, Paul spent the day with me. We never talked about Nekoy again. Eager to get "us" back to normal, he said he knew what I thought, and I knew what he thought, so he saw no point in continuing the conversation. I found it more difficult for me to move passed my dishonesty than him. He did everything he could to get me not to worry about it. It only made me feel guiltier and more undeserving of him.

"We still haven't decided when we'll hunt Golden and the mountains near there. They may come back here, so we might as well wait a little while," Jacob said on the day he stopped by to check on me after learning I intended to go to work at the library.

After he left, I went crazy searching for my cell phone. Paul would not let me out of the house without it. He was going back to work too and wanted to make sure we could reach each other every second of the day. "When was the last time you had it?" he asked, pulling the cushions off the couch.

I realized the last time I used it was when I called Nekoy. Retracing my actions of yanking back the blankets that morning, sick, I peered behind the headboard of the bed, and that's where I found it. The battery was dead.

"I'll plug it in at the library." I grabbed my charger, and Paul and I hurried out the door.

Seth had texted Paul and told him he'd be late. Paul stayed at the library with me until he arrived. It wasn't necessary. Like Seth, nearly all the young wolves went to summer school. Most of them missed too many school days during the school year for wolf complications.

As soon as I plugged my phone in the outlet, I noticed I had several missed calls, four restricted from that night. Rebecca had called me, but she shouldn't have come up as restricted.

I started shelving returned books when a kid peeked in the room telling me the principle, Mrs. Bell, wanted to speak with me. Just as I was about to walk out the door my cell phone went off. I flinched, taking a short, quick breath. Paul reached for it. "It's restricted. Should I answer it?"

"Sure," I said, in a casual tone. Inside, I was shaking.

"It's Rebecca," he said, holding the phone out to me.

_Thank goodness! _"Tell her to text her new number if she got one, and I'll call her back later. Let me see what Mrs. Bell wants first." I headed to the office, warning myself to change my number ASAP.

Mrs. Bell asked me if I still intended to chaperon the end of summer school field trip, coming up. The field trip was to the Pacific Science Center in Seattle. I could only imagine what Paul would say about that.

When I got back, Seth had finally made it to class, and Paul left. I resumed shelving the books, and my cell phone went off again. "Sorry, I forgot to call you back," I blurted as I answered.

"I never left a message," the voice said.

I gasped.

"Rachel, is everything okay?" I recognized the same concerned voice quality and nearly exact words from one of my dreams.

About to hang up again, I inferred that he'd probably continue to call me until I spoke to him. _What do I say? What do I say? What do I say? _I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. _Just try to sound normal, _I instructed myself, wondering how to explain how I found him if he asked.

"I know you're there, Rachel. I know something's wrong."

I pushed to say something the way I did the very first time I spoke to him. "How… How are you?"

"Fine, but what's going on?" he asked. "You sound scared. The way you did when you called the other night."

"How did you know that was me?" I asked, still at a loss for an explanation.

"I pictured your scared expression as I heard the voice," he replied. "You didn't answer my question. What's wrong? Why did you call?"

"Could you give me a minute, please? I wasn't expecting to hear your voice!"

A soft throaty laugh emerged. "I understand the feeling."

Hearing his laugh composed me. _Maybe he has that ability_? I continued to struggle for an explanation and ended up skipping the question again, saying, "And Tony, how is he?"

"He's fine. Him, his brother, and sisters were here visiting recently."

_Brother and sisters? Recently? How recently?_

"Wait. Are you trying to change the subject?"

"No. I just thought of him," I said, pre-occupied by his revelation.

"They visited a few months ago. They're back in Egypt now. Why?"

I almost asked him what the family looked like when I thought about the conversation Brady overheard. I figured this was my one and only chance. I said, "Can I ask _you _something first?"

I hadn't even decided if I would answer his question.

"All right." I could hear the bewilderment in his inflection.

"Um… Remember the day they rescued us, and you left the room to talk with Tony?" I stopped until he said he remembered. "Did you have a conversation with him about changing someone?"

I held still for a moment, trying not to make a sound. Concentrating on anything I might pick up over the phone.

Nothingness aired on his side before he huffed loudly. "Neither of you were in any danger of that. Tony suggested it when he thought we wouldn't be able to get you out alive. I considered it, but only for a moment. Only as a last resort, and not without your permission. Even then, I'm not sure I could have gone through with it. Truth is, I wasn't even able to think about it when I got back into the room with you. Lucky for me, I didn't have to. Your wolves came and took you home."

Sincerity underlined his quiet tone. I re-lived how strange he acted. How he wouldn't look at me when he came back into the room and said they planned on killing all of us.

"What about Tony and _his _family? Are you positive they went back to Egypt?"

"Yes… Why? What's this about?" He didn't give me time to answer. "I think I understand now. This has something to do with my kind again, and you believe you have reason to fear us."

"My family heard the conversation. What else are they supposed to think?"

"So, that's why you called. Why you sounded scared. You believe I'd hurt you somehow." Disappointment shaded his voice, and I could almost envision the expression he wore.

I didn't know what to say. I had practically accused him, outright. Even though I never believed he would harm me. "I shouldn't have called you, Nekoy. I won't do it again."

"Don't hang up!" he blurted. "Are you still there?"

"Uh, huh?"

"I told you before, people _should _fear us. It's fine if you fear me. I would promise that you need not be afraid of me, but I know I can't control that. And since you called, it gives me hope that you are not as afraid as one might think. So, why _now_? What brought this up after all this time? Tell me what happened before you hang up."

Indecisiveness held my tongue. After a moment of deliberation, I absorbed that it felt safe. He felt safe. "Okay," I muttered. "Three vampires came close to our borders the night I called you."

"I see… I had nothing to do with whoever is there, and I assure you neither does Tony. Since it wasn't us… I too wonder who. What do they want?"

"I don't know," I replied, annoyed. "That's what I'm trying to find out."

He must have caught the annoyance and rephrased asking, "What do you _think_ they wanted?"

"_They _think they were here because of me. Our pack, that is. That's why they think it's you. I don't know what any other vampires would want with me. I've never come across any others."

"True. There must be another explanation. Do you know anything about them?"

"Just that the male had dark hair, slicked back into a ponytail, and the female had long black hair. They had another female with them, but I know nothing about her. They're businesspeople. Err… they looked business-y."

"Businesspeople," he repeated. Then it seemed like he got silent.

"Uh huh, why? Does that mean something to you?"

"I don't. Not at all…" He paused, and when he spoke again, it was breath-fully rushed. "Rachel, I just remembered something. I have to make a phone call."

He sounded like he was in a huge hurry. "Do you mind if I check back with you in a few days?"

"Actually, you better not. I shouldn't be speaking to you now."

"I understand. Sorry my kind is troubling you again, but with how your wolves handled themselves the last time, I'm sure you'll be fine." I listened for displeasure in his voice, but he seemed inattentive, like his mind was suddenly elsewhere. "It was a pleasure talking to you, even though… I must go. Take care."

His attitude changed so fast I was speechless.

Eying the face of my cell phone, I noticed the call ended. A few minutes later, I realized he didn't ask how I located him or how I knew his last name. Talk about confusing, I wasn't even sure how to feel about him hanging up on me. I wished he would have, at least, given me the chance to say goodbye.

Though I felt wounded by his sudden remoteness, one thing was for certain. There was no great spark of attraction. No overwhelming feelings of desire. We shared nothing aside from concern for one another. I told myself that knowledge alone made the conversation worthwhile. I sucked in a deep breath. At least I could have some peace of mind and soul over that.

Seth, Journey, and Brady waited for me outside the school to escort me back to the apartment. They pulled Kim's shadow from her and sent them to cover me. Apparently, I needed three wolves protecting me, right in the middle of broad daylight for a minute-long walk. Brady and Seth headed into the trees behind my apartment, but Journey wanted to come inside.

Consumed with my discussion with Nekoy and with whether I should tell Paul about the phone call, I wasn't in a conversational mood. Then I'd have to tell him about my phone call to Nekoy. Leading him to discovering, I knew Nekoy's precise whereabouts. _I may as well be the person who kills him._ No. It was _not _a good idea to tell Paul about the phone call.

"Are you okay, Rachel?" Journey asked, breaking me out of my daze.

"Sorry. I'm not being good company, am I?" I admitted, feeling guilty for my rudeness, and forcing a grin. "So, you and Brady. How's that going?"

She lit up like a sparkler. "That's why I wanted to come over. I never thanked you for getting me to consider him and both of our feelings. After I thought about what you said to me that day, I recognized how sweetly he treated me. I decided if he gave me a literal chance, I'd take it."

"Good. I'm happy for you two. You make a sweet couple and I _know _this entire town agrees with me. I could tell by all the cheers you got at the reception."

She showed a blush filled with happiness.

"Now what about Seth?" I asked for the heck of it.

"Seth who?" She retorted, with a pretend puzzled look.

I chuckled, acknowledging how close she and I had become in a few short months, ever since the day she chopped off her hair. I suddenly wondered what she must think of me, keeping that secret from Paul for so long. My mood sunk.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"All of you must think I'm an awful, terrible girlfriend for withholding that information from Paul all this time?" I sulked.

"No. We feel just like Paul does. The leech tricked you. Paul wishes you would have told him, but he understands your reasoning behind it," she replied, bubbly adding, "He said that you're too kindhearted for your own good. But that's one of things he loves about you."

I smiled, feeling a little better about the situation, but Nekoy didn't trick me.

"Can I tell you something, Rachel?" She asked, a serious overtone appearing in her demeanor. "We're sort of on the subject, anyway."

"Sure. Shoot."

"He feels hurt when you don't tell him what's bothering you... And that makes me feel terrible, too."

My mind went blank. Not expecting this, I didn't know how to respond. I'm sure my face revealed it, because she picked her perkiness right back up, dismissively throwing in, "I think getting to hear thoughts all the time spoils us. It drives us crazy when we want to know what someone's thinking, and we can't. It's a love-hate thing." She nervously giggled.

When Paul came home, we went to our spot on the beach. The sky held clear again. We, or I, enjoyed the rarity of the swirling blend of orange, crimson, and grayish lavenders. We lay on a blanket cuddled together watching the stars gradually cut into the vast darkening sky as we made out and talked well into the night.

_In a heavily flowered meadow alongside of a pure blue lake, Nekoy and I strolled hand in hand, in deep conversation about something. Drenched in happiness, I stopped walking and filled my eyes with his. A delicate tear glistened in the corner of his gaze. He hugged me, raising me off the ground, and swung me around. Our lips met and a blaze of passion ignited. Next, we lay beside the lake. He rested his head below my chest with his hand placed flat against my pelvis._

Waking, I almost cried. I had hoped once I let go of my secret, my dreams would subside and stop punishing me, stop making me feel as if I was cheating on my perfect Paul, but then, the secrets weren't completely out, were they? And I kept making more.

I frowned, turning toward Paul. A calm and peaceful sleep covered his face. Irresistibly handsome in the dim glow coming from the restroom light, I admired every inch of his features, reflecting on how good he was to me. What would have happened if I had met him, and he didn't imprint on me, imprinting on someone else instead?

I'm positive I would have fallen madly in love with him, anyway. I would have been a huge lovesick stalker for sure. His girlfriend would have had to shoot me just to keep me away from him. I smiled at what a blessing I received that it was me.

Agonizing over the statement Journey made earlier about my lack of openness, I woke him up. Tossing, he groaned, half-asleep. "Babe?"

"Paul, I need to tell you something," I whispered, "and it's about my dreams."

He stirred some more, before opening his eyes and rubbing them. "What time is it?"

"It's eight o'clock. Time for you to get up." I slid myself into his arm and pecked him on the cheek.

He stretched out, elongating his body, and reaching his arms overhead, then wound them back around me. "I can't get used to still being here after sunrise…"

"Me either." Fear threatened my resolve, and I hoped, perhaps, he didn't hear me.

"Now what were you saying about your dreams?"

_Fat chance_. I shivered, a nervous chill crawling down my spine. Sitting up, I turned away from him and looked up at the ceiling, battling second thoughts. I couldn't believe I was about to tell him my most uncomfortable, personal dreams. I shifted my eyes down, staring at the carpet.

"Are you okay, babe?" He sat up too, hearing my heart rate increase, no doubt. Turning his body, he gave me his full attention. Worry lines fixed across his forehead as his eyes peered into mine.

I nodded but blinked just to break eye contact. "I want to share something with you but it's difficult for me to talk about," I said looking away from him, again. "It's what's… _wrong _with me lately."

"You can tell me anything. I promise."

_You say that now_. "Ugh," I moaned. "You have no idea how difficult and uncomfortable this is." I blew out a slow gust of air. "And it's stupid because it's not reality. It bothers me though... So, that's why I should tell you… I guess."

"Just take your time."

I swallowed, suddenly thirsty as I gathered my nerve and began. "First, I want to tell you that this has nothing to do with the reason I never told you about him. I made that decision long before this started happening to me."

"What started happening to you? Now you're scaring me, babe." He placed his hand on my knee.

"My dreams started happening to me. The ones I began having when the nightmares stopped."

"Okay."

There was no turning back now. I sighed. "Remember the first time I dreamed of him? I called you that night."

"I remember. The night you cried."

"I dreamed that we were. Him and I were…" I stopped and laughed at myself. I didn't know how to say it. I didn't want to say it. Clambering my hand over his hand, I entwined my fingers through his. "I—was with _him_. We were sitting beneath a starry sky beside a campfire, and I was with him."

He looked at me with a confused expression.

"I was there with _him_," I repeated, emphasizing "_with him". _"That's what upset me and disturbed me so much."

He leaned his head back and lifted his eyes up in the air. I saw comprehension replace the confusion as he glanced back at me. "With him. You mean… like you'd be _with me. _Right?" he asked, pointing to himself.

I nodded, centering my eyes on his distress indicator. It flashed but disappeared as he let out a deep breath. "You have these dreams and that's what's wrong with you sometimes." He sounded like he was talking to himself instead of me.

"Because of the way they feel. I hate the feelings that come with them."

"Feelings?" I could see the questions in his eyes. "What the hell?" he murmured, though not in anger.

"They aren't explicit or anything like that." _Most of the time._ "They're more like brief glimpses of different situations."

"Situations that bother you," he stated tonelessly. Again, sounding as if he was thinking out loud. "Like what kinds of situations?"

As much as I hated to describe the dreams to him, I'd tell him anything he wanted to know while we were on the subject. I opened my mouth.

"Hold up. I want to know. I really do. I'm just not sure I want the rest of the guys to know… Do you?"

"I guess not." I hadn't considered that part of the problem. The rest of the pack finding out was the last thing on my mind. But I realized how tough that situation would be for him. Hadn't I already put him through enough? I frowned.

"Will it make you feel better talking about it?" he asked, worrying more about me than himself as usual.

I shook my head. "Not really. I thought it would make _you_ feel better knowing what's wrong with me sometimes. I thought _you'd _feel better if I talked about it to you."

"It makes me feel better. I'm glad you told me. I just don't know how much of the details I need to hear."

"It's up to you?"

"We'll just leave it here for now. Remember, they're only dreams." He brushed his fingers against my cheek. "Who knows why we have them."

"You're not upset?"

"I am. I won't lie. I don't like you having those kinds of dreams. But it's not like you're doing it on purpose." He forced a smile. "I've seen how they affect you. I know you don't want to have them. Besides, they sound as absurd as the one you had of me trying to kill you."

"They are. I'd do anything to stop having them, Paul. I would. Maybe now…"

"Maybe..." He leaned, tilting his head. The way he did whenever he wanted to see my eyes. I lifted my chin and stared at him. "But if they don't stop, I'm sure that they will once he's found, I shred the fuck out of him, and he's burned for good." Rage filled his words and sparked from his eyes. "Jeezus fuck!" he added, wiping a tense hand across his forehead.

Regardless of how relaxed he tried to appear at first, I infuriated him. _Finally! _The normal reaction eased me despite Paul examining my every response to his remark. I froze the muscles in my face, not showing any kind of distress to his comment. I expected him to blame my dreams on Nekoy. Now was not the time to defend him in any form or try to change Paul's mind.

They would never understand. I was wedged between a rock and a hard place, wanting to be the open, honest person worthy of Paul's love and devotion. And a grateful person worthy of being saved by a stranger who didn't need to care. Nekoy should have just walked away that day on the gravel road, never having looked back.

**SNEAK PEEK!**

_Was it really him? Could he really be here? _I gazed up into the sky. It was noon, and the sun was out. _Why wasn't he glittering?_


End file.
